Today’s guest blog is by Barbara in Robbinsdale.
* Husband had open heart surgery on a Thursday in late January.
Please note – I am able to poke fun at this experience because:
a. There was no impediment to my staying home to nurse Husband. I can’t imagine the experience if he’d had to stay in, say, a nursing home …
b. Surgery was successful; Husband experienced no complications, and came through with flying colors.
c. It’s how I processed this one.
1. Visitors – Expect the unexpected; be prepared for anything. Some people won’t want to come anywhere near even a diagram of what happened to Patient. Others will enter with “Hey, can I see your scar?” the first thing out of their mouths.
Have a place cleared somewhere for flowers.
2. We may laugh at those airy little hospital gowns, but for a while Patient needs clothing that you can easily get on and off him/her. Hospital did not send a gown home with you, but you can fashion your own by taking one of Patient’s soft old t-shirts, slicing it up the back with a pair of scissors, and adding a safety pin. It won’t be as long as the hospital variety, so you’ll probably need to have Patient wear a robe over it, especially for visitors!
3. Pillows – Gather every pillow you have (and aren’t you glad you didn’t give half of them to Goodwill?) into a big pile near Patient’s bed. You don’t have a hospital bed anymore with the convenient push buttons. Every size of pillow you own will be enlisted at some point as Patient sits up, tries to sleep slightly reclined, and eats in bed.
4. Accept anything and everything people offer. This is not the time to practice Minnesota Nice: you don’t say, “Oh, no, you don’t need to do that” the first two times and accept on the third. You say “Yes, thanks!” the moment it’s out of their mouths, before they can change their minds.
(This IS hard to do all this accepting without immediately being able to reciprocate. When time allows, you will write thank you notes (even if some are by email). And when the tables are turned, you will reciprocate. If it makes you feel better, you can start planning now what food you will bring to them sometime.)
5. Alter your parameters about what constitutes a proper meal. With any luck you will have many meals given to you by kind, understanding friends and relatives. You will only have to supply, perhaps, a salad. See Illustration on left for a perfectly adequate salad.
6. Cleaning – If it’s big enough to endanger you or Patient, pick it up and toss it out of harm’s way. Everything else can wait. Keep in mind, though: a large enough dust bunny can be slippery.
7. It helps if you’ve kept a few toys from your kids’ childhoods, particularly that robotic arm “grabber thingy”, which Patient can use to reach things. Also a toy flute or recorder or kazoo (anything more pleasant sounding than a shrill whistle) by which Patient can summon you when you’re downstairs.
8. Self care – If you don’t get outside soon, you’ll go bonkers and then there will be two Patients and no Nurse. So enlist help from friends and relatives (anyone owe you a favor?) – preferably people whom Patient likes and trusts – to come in for a couple of hours at a time and relieve you.
Go get a massage, or see your chiropractor; stop at your favorite coffee shop and read something you don’t have time to read at home. Each time you go out will be easier, as you learn to trust that Patient will survive without you there.
9. Ego – You had one once; you’ll get it back again. For the first few days home, however, you won’t be needing it. This experience is an “ego-buster”. Whatever you had in mind for this week of your life can wait (even that newly re-discovered guitar). In fact, a lot of things can wait for a few of weeks, or even months. Your concept of What’s Important has just been radically altered. Patient needs you. Now. It’s a little like having a newborn, except that Patient will TELL you exactly what s/he wants and needs.
10. Although it may seem like there isn’t time, take some time now and then to just lie down next to Patient and listen to something like Dark Side of the Moon – some music that is meaningful to both of you. You’ll be amazed at how soothing this is.
What care giving and/or receiving wisdom would you add to the list?







