Olfactory Highs and Lows

Today’s post comes from Steve Grooms.

Humans are generally thought to have five senses: sight, sound, touch, taste, smell and feel. Actually, careful researchers don’t agree, with some arguing for as many as twenty-one senses.

Of the big five, the sense of smell seems special. It is regarded the most “feeble” (relative to the smelling powers of many animals). Another oddity is the way smell is tied to another sense, namely taste. Smell also seems more capable of evoking disgust or delight than other senses. Finally, smell seems hooked up to memory in ways that are not true for other senses. A circus poster might remind us of circuses we’ve seen, but the smell of a new car overwhelms us with new car memories.

I have vivid memories of personal highs and lows in my sniffing history.

My erstwife and I spent the summer of 1970 living in the home of a friend who took her family to Europe. Barb’s house was perched on the banks of the Saint Croix River just north of Stillwater. A spring that burbled out of the ground fed three ponds on the property, one of which was patrolled by fourteen colorful trout. It was an exotic place, especially for two impoverished college students whose former housing was a dilapidated brownstone apartment near the University of Minnesota.

That summer was hot and humid, which made it the stinkiest summer of my life. The heat and muggy air produced three especially disgusting olfactory events.

sma-brule-crew-scan-editThe worst was the garage meltdown. We left Barb’s home for a four-day visit to Wisconsin’s Brule River. The upright freezer in the garage vibrated as it ran. In our absence the freezer’s shaking jiggled its electric chord out of the outlet, causing the freezer’s contents to melt, spilling pungent liquids all over the garage floor. Those liquids then decomposed. Most spectacularly, the gallon pail of chocolate chip ice cream melted and then decomposed. When we got home and opened the garage door the odor was indescribable and unforgettable. The smell was still identifiable as ice cream, but ice cream gone ghastly and foul. On a meter measuring disgusting stenches this would have pegged the dial at a perfect ten. (Or, if you’ve seen “This is Spinal Tap,” an eleven.)

Two years later we joined a group of free spirits who hung out at a fly fishing tackle shop in Brule, Wisconsin. These were about two dozen unique young people: painters, photographers, students, fly fishermen, motorcycle freaks, fishing guides, back-to-the land hippies, pot farmers and lost souls. The word “counterculture” was perhaps the only description that applied to all of us.

In 1972 consumers didn’t have anything approaching the wonderful assortment of foods and beverages that exist now. If you wanted a good bottle of ale, the nearest place to get it was London. American stores only sold that thin, gassy liquid called lager. If you wanted a decent cup of coffee, you had to go to an upscale restaurant. I spent decades desperately trying to brew good coffee at home, not understanding that restaurant coffee had been roasted in ways grocery store coffee had not.

One of our group worked in a store in Milwaukee that sold exotic spices, herbs, unique tea blends and restaurant-quality coffee beans. The store was called Milwaukee Coffee and Spices. It still exists 45 years later but is now called Penzeys. That worker agreed to sell us anything from the store’s mail order catalog at wholesale prices. This was a once-in-a-lifetime deal. My wife and I were living in a duplex in a distressed neighborhood of Saint Paul. To simplify the order, all of the packages would be shipped to our home. I would deliver them to the shop in Brule for final distribution.

We had recently acquired our first hunting dogs, an incorrigible springer spaniel and yellow Labrador. Because the puppies defeated every effort to confine them, we locked them in a glassed-in front porch while we spent the day at the University. When the UPS man delivered the shipment of exotic foods he chucked the whole lot in the porch. Those packages sat for hours in the warm and weather-tight confinement of the porch.

Words cannot describe the complex smell that greeted us when we walked in that porch. The main components were dark-roasted coffee and green tea, but with strong overtones of hot curry, cloves, garam masala, ginger, cumin, cinnamon, marjoram, chili peppers, bay leaf, dill, garlic, rosemary and others. All of those smells floated over the baseline odor of dog shit (which, oddly, mixed with them agreeably). We knew the instant we opened that door that we were encountering a smell that was unique in human history. And, friends, it was a bit of heaven. I almost wept with disappointment days later when the smell dissipated, never to be experienced again by anyone.

What memories do you have—good or bad—tied to smells?

Party Envy

The president’s obsession with the crowd numbers for his inauguration makes sense when you realize party turnout is a crucially important status marker for 12 year olds.

My party was bigger than Barry’s.
It was better than George’s or Jack’s.
Every guest loved the cake.
And they cheered when I spake.
That’s the truth because I make the facts.

Everything that I did was tremendous.
All my bunting and streamers were best.
All the boys I out-famed
felt a little ashamed
by my better-than-everyone’s fest.

Every party through time’s been less super
than this best-of-all parties I threw.
The invited said “yup.”
No one didn’t show up.
except whiners and losers like you.

The attention I got was amazing!
No lame gifts that you wear or you read.
Celebrated for days.
I got love, I got praise.
It was almost as much as I need.


Best party you’ve ever thrown?

Be Prepared

Today’s post comes from tim

50 words is not a lot
its more than 40 or 30 or 20 but by the time you get done counting them they are amazingly almost gone.
you must do a good job of planning the way the message is going to present itself otherwise you may end up

how are you at planning?

Tain’t No Such Thing as a Free Lunch

Today’s post comes from Clyde

A colleague, science teacher/coach, posted this sign: “Tain’t No Such Thing as a Free Lunch.” He taught you have to earn what you get and pay for your mistakes.

Tisn’t always true. One colleague went from free lunch to free lunch, as do others.

What have been your free lunches?

Believe It Or Not!

Today’s post comes from Bill in Minneapolis

Reverend Van Slyke believed the Garden of Eden was in Trempealeau, Wisconsin. Arthur Conan Doyle and Henry Thoreau believed in fairies. A family in Winona, Minnesota believed their dead daughter was a vampire.

Most of us believe things unsupported by evidence. Me, I believe I’ll have a cup of tea.

What weird things do you sort of believe?

The Heavy Lift

Today’s post comes from Jacque

I found this bench-sculpture across the street here in Fountain Hills.  I think it is so funny and clever.

What is a heavy lift in your life right now?  Can you make it funny?

BVM Appears in South Minneapolis. “Watch Your Back,” She Warns.

Today’s post comes from Bill in MPLS

In the most significant and, needless to say, dramatic manifestation since Lourdes, the Blessed Virgin Mary appeared this week in a Minneapolis neighborhood, her first stop on a nationwide tour.

“This really blows,” she announced with palpable agitation. “I hoped we were making progress, but now it’s getting ugly again.”

Have you seen her? What was her message to you?

 

Oaf of Office

Header image via Creative Commons under CC 2.0

Tomorrow, Donald J. Trump will take the oath of office and become the 45th president of the United States.

The official oath is very simple: I do solemnly swear (or affirm) that I will faithfully execute the Office of President of the United States, and will to the best of my Ability, preserve, protect and defend the Constitution of the United States.

This could be an awkward moment. Our next president is famous for going off-script.

Actually, that’s a lie. It suggests there’s a script to begin with.

He is known for saying whatever comes to mind. And because his brain is so unique and excellent, he has little experience in following anyone in a repeat-after-me situation. I don’t expect him to be intimidated by the chief justice of the Supreme Court. Trump will want to say it his way.

To offer a little assistance, I’ve re-fashioned the oath into what I think is a passable example of Trump-speak. And it has the added bonus of rhyming, so he could sing it if he wants.

I solemnly swear!
My swears are so solemn
they’re top of the charts
in the solemn swear column

I will execute faithfully
this lofty post.
I’m as faithful as Jesus
and a better Host.

The office of President!
I’m so well suited.
No office will ever be
more executed.

As for my ability,
you be the tester.
when we’re talking ables
nobody’s is bester.

And the Constitution!
You kidding? Forget it!
I’ll preserve and protect that
like someone who’s read it.

I promise this oath
it’s a pledge that I’ve spoken.
I’ll honor it like
all the others I’ve broken.

Wah hoo! Haters? SAD!

How are you at keeping promises?

À la marché

Header photo by jatdoll via Creative Commons

Today’s guest post comes from Barbara in Robbinsdale. 

The four of us (my sister and her son, Husband and moi) were on our own for five days in Paris.

We learned a lot about food and eating the Parisian way – picked up baguettes from the boulangeries (bread bakeries), croissants and other delicacies for our petit dejuener (breakfast) from patisseries (dessert bakeries), meats from boucheries, crepes and quiches from crèperies.

On our first day, however, we were lucky enough to come upon the neighborhood marché (market), which had on display all the spring (and other) vegetables you can imagine, plus sausages, fish, cheese, and our dinner – kabobs. Why I didn’t take more photos at the marché I don’t remember, but here is one.

Photo 1

 

And here’s how some of the bounty looked back at “our” flat (air.bnb, but that’s another story).

It was delicious, especially because it represented the success I had in asking the price.

Combien, s’il vous plait? (How much, please?)

Of course, the answer was spoken so quickly I couldn’t catch it, so I did what I had seen other tourists do – laid out my palm full of coins (there are 1- and 2- euro coins) and let him take what he needed. Then said “Merci.”

What’s your favorite outdoor market?

Aggravation!

Today’s post comes from Verily Sherrilee

I’m not sure exactly when my family got our first game of Aggravation. It’s like Parcheesi; six players move their pieces around the board to their safe home base. Until you are home safe, if any other player lands on your space, back to the beginning you go. My father didn’t care for it much; he said that since it was a dice game, it was just a game of chance so not very challenging. For a while my sister and my mom and I played against each other – each taking two colors of marbles. After a few years my sister slowly withdrew leaving Nonny and me squared off playing three colors each.

We’ve played Aggravation for decades now – whenever we visit one another, out comes the game and the marbles. My game board had duct tape on the bottom side holding it together and for many years at her house, we had one oddly-colored yellow marble. We each have a favorite die (although I do trade off every now and then). Having gone up against each other for so many years, I can honestly say that Nonny and I play exactly the same game. Aggressive right out of the chute, addicted to the center spot and wildly competitive. Very very rarely does either of us make a move that the other can’t predict.

My dad was right – it’s just the dice. Nonny agrees with this assessment. But we keep playing anyway and while we do win about the same number of games, the pattern is weird. Two years ago when she was here, she won 8 out of 9 games but this past Thanksgiving week I won 10 out of 11. The fact that both Nonny and I remember these stats should probably be disturbing.

What board game makes you competitive?