Among the reactions to last night’s State of the Union message was this late night dispatch from marketing genius and all-purpose idea man Spin Williams, who conducts his business in a rolling conversation he calls The Meeting That Never Ends.
We’ve been kicking it around in The Meeting all night long, and it’s our verdict that the standout feature of President Obama’s speech last night is his repeated exhortation for Americans to “Win The Future”. It’s a brilliant three-word call to action that sounds wonderfully urgent and has the added advantage of being completely vague and is therefore totally flexible. Is “the future” the prize we’re after, or the game we’re playing? The answer could be both! In any case, how will we know we’ve won? The future is always just ahead, so even if we think we’re winning right now, there’s always a chance some unnamed country with a whole lot of hard working people and tons of money in the bank will overtake us before we get there. So if our goal is to Win The Future, we can Never Quit until we’re Told We’re Finished. I mean Victorious! Well done, Mr. President!
I love slogans and I wish we had more of them! For me, the last memorable three-word salvo from a president was Gerald Ford’s “Whip Inflation Now” (WIN). Remember the buttons? I still have a box of them in my basement. People ridiculed it at the time, but eventually inflation got tamed, if not completely whipped. Although buttons that said “TIN” wouldn’t have had the same power – you have to be bold to get attention! I thought at the time that “whip” was wimpy and our goal should be to “Smash” inflation, but people told me the button would be an embarrassment. Why? Last night I suggested that “Win The Future” is deserving of its own line of “WTF” buttons and apparel, but all the younger folks at the table insisted that would be a huge mistake. I still don’t get it. Bright people can be so timid sometimes!
Image from zazzle.com
Anyway, I’m totally on board with this new national effort to Win The Future. Americans love competition, and the slogan is generic enough to connect whatever happens to be the issue of the day (education, energy independence, trade deficits, pollution) to whatever sport you most enjoy playing (football, chess, tennis, air hockey, poker). It may be that our cards don’t look so good right now, but bluffing is an important part of the game and false confidence in the face of overwhelming odds can be a winning strategy. This is our new slogan, people. We should support it. WTF!
I admire Spin for his enthusiasm, no matter the topic. And although I’m not sure I share his fondness for three word slogans, I think he’s right about our love for games.
Here’s a special message for residents of Minnesota’s 9th Congressional district – all the water surface area in the state – from Congressman Loomis Beechly.
Greetings Constituents!
I’m looking forward to the President’s State of the Union address tonight because I can’t wait to see who’s going to be sitting with whom! Random seating! It’s like the Red Carpet walk at the Oscars, with all eyes on who gets out of the car and in what order. Once inside it’ll be fascinating to see how the very same people who have called each other tyrants, traitors and terrorist coddlers will now try to do the dance of fake friendship. But you can’t get elected if you’re not able to put up a false front, so I’m sure we can make it look very warm and pleasant. And if we pretend hard enough, it could start to come true!
I know that some of you will be scanning the crowd to see if you can find me. Unfortunately, you are at the mercy of the TV networks, and frankly, I’m not a very prominent congressman. Even though January is the time of year when the 9th District has it’s largest permanent population (ice fishing season), the chances are good that the camera will never settle on me. But that’s OK. Back in the district, I’ve already given my annual State of the Ice Shack (and Pick Up Truck) Address, so I’ve had all the limelight and beef jerky a guy can handle.
Congressman Beechly's State of the Ice Shack (and Pick Up Truck) Address
As far as the State of the Union is concerned … I try not to get too bound up in pettiness and partisanship. In the spirit of this year’s grand gesture I will try to sit in between two people I genuinely despise. Who it will be I can’t say at the moment because there are so many to choose from, but you can count on this – I’ll be suffering, and I’m guessing they will be too.
If you see me you will notice one more thing (besides the identities of my worst enemies). I have decided to hold my applause until the very end of the speech. Why? Because the State of the Union is a very very important duty of the president (he has to do it – it’s in the Constitution)! We shouldn’t let it turn into a pep rally. In recent years too many of us in Congress have put our energy into coordinated ovations – so much that we actually miss a lot of what the president is saying. Frankly, there are times when I can’t even recall who had the job before, um, the guy who’s holding it now. So this time I’m resolved to sit quietly and listen.
Besides, back when I sat next to my friends, all I had to do was get up when they got up, stay seated when they stayed seated, and just generally do everything they did. Absent those cues, I might make a terrible mistake and jump up and cheer or cross my arms and fume at the wrong time, going with real emotion rather than remembering what I’m supposed to do. That’s the kind of bad political trouble you can get into when you try to think. So I’m not going to applaud or stand up at all, and I’ll try not to have a facial expression of any kind. My goal is to get through this thing gaffe-free.
But don’t let any of that get out, or the cameras will be on me for sure.
I do hope everyone in the 9th district will watch the State of the Union speech tonight. It is, after all, an opportunity to watch a guy hard at work fulfilling the requirements of his employment. And in America today, to have the chance to see someone actually doing their job … a job that they are paid to do – a job with great health coverage from an employer who will also provide them with a decent pension … well, it’s rare. Like seeing a Dodo Bird. Who talks! I wouldn’t miss it, and neither should you!
Yours in good government,
Hon. Loomis Beechly
Will you watch the State of the Union speech tonight?
And the counter-speech?
Trail Baboon 