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Safety First!

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Amid all our talk about missiles and sinking ships, Bathtub Safety Officer Rafferty came by the house yesterday for a seasonal check-up and was alarmed to discover that I had the ladder out. We had a brief, but intense discussion.

BSOR: I hope you’re not planning to use this.

Me: I AM planning to use it. I’m going to wash the second floor windows.

BSOR: Ladders are dangerous. A terrible hazard.

Me: I think you’re confused. Gravity is dangerous. Carelessness is a hazard. But ladders can be useful.

BSOR: Ladders should be outlawed, or at least fixed with graphic warnings.

Me: Graphic like the proposed new cigarette labels?

BSOR: Yes, with big, gruesome images of broken bones and severe head wounds – anything to make you think twice. Especially at this time of year when a lot of amateur aerialists go high off the ground to scoop wet, slippery leaves out of gutters. That combination of excessive altitude and loss of friction – it’s horrifying. Like watching a clown walk a tightrope made from banana peels.

Me: I don’t have gutters. I’m just doing windows. I’ll be careful.

BSOR: Everyone who goes up on a ladder thinks they’re being careful. But they’re forgetting one thing. The universe is perverse, and it has a twisted sense of humor. Remember the Tarzan movies?

Me: Of course. With Johnny Weismuller!

BSOR: And in those films he had a son.

Me: Named “Boy”!

BSOR: I’m sorry to be the one to tell you, the actor who played “Boy” just passed away. He fell off a ladder. Imagine it! You’re famous for being a Jungle Boy, swinging through the trees, and this is how it ends? The universe goes out of its way to mock us!

Me: That’s very sad.

BSOR: And that’s why I don’t want to get out of bed in the morning. Until I realize the bed could catch on fire or a spring inside the mattress could break its moorings and suddenly, violently extend, piercing my heart. So I get up.

Me: I appreciate your concern. But I’m going to use the ladder.

BSOR: I’ll need to see your LOL.

Me: Beg your pardon?

BSOR: Your Ladder Operator’s License.

Me: There’s no such thing. Is there?

BSOR: In my perfect world, there would be. And you’d have to go through training to get one. They’d teach you about basic stability, extension dynamics, power line awareness, footwear security, tool belt management and the habits of bees.

Me: I think the political environment just shifted away from favoring more regulation. I’m going to go up there.

BSOR: Sudden shifts of any kind are also very, very dangerous. People don’t recognize the value of balance. Balance in all things!

And then he issued me a Safety Police Officer’s Ticket (SPOT) for planning an Above Grade Gravity Rule Altitude Violation And Totally Ignoring Offical No! (AGGRAVATION).

I protested, saying I hadn’t done anything wrong. He agreed, and said that’s the best time to “catch” me, before the fact and not when I’m actually tumbling off the ladder.
But then BSOR has always loved acronyms and pre-enforcement of rules that don’t exist.

What is your policy towards ladders?

96 thoughts on “Safety First!”

  1. love it – “gravity is dangerous….” and how you wind things in to the story so perfectly! as far as i’m concerned, Dale, you already have the LOL.

    i don’t mind ladders. i too think they are useful. i am a bit careless, though.
    a good and gracious morning to You All

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  3. Rise and Shine Babooners, just don’t fall!

    Until today I was not aware that there WERE ladder policies, nor had I considered gravity to be dangerous. Clearly this kind of creativity eludes me. As one of those people who get nauseous looking down from high places, I’ve always found a certain security in feeling close to the floor. I thought gravity was my friend! Oh, the things I learn on the trail.

    I am very cautious about ladders given that they take me away from my beloved earth. I like ladders firmly planted, stable, and not too high with wide rungs that do not hurt my feet.

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  6. The Good Lord put some people on earth to go up ladders and he/she put some people on earth to hold the ladder and make silly exclamations of moral support to those up above. I know which I am.

    BTW, yesterday’s afternoon and evening Baboon traffic was better than usual. Those of you who dropped out of the conversation early in the day might want to peek back. A tense subplot in the Baboon conversation now involves Barb from Blackhoof, who has finally met a goat she cannot like (Sugar), and it is thrilling to contemplate what might happen next.

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    2. i wouldn’t say i don’t like her – i admire her wily-ness. but i’m happy that she is not my goat. this morning she stood like an angel; tonight she’ll leap in that bucket with all fours, i betcha.

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      2. My daughter has a goat named Rambo who is terrorizing the horse ranch & boarders. Poor Rambo lost his buddy the first year she had him and now has learned how to open doors, then rummage around inside the house. Rambo tries to snag his backward-curving horns into people’s thighs, head-butts little kids onto the ground, and sometimes can be found enjoying himself on the porch swing. The more Mary attempts to keep him penned, the more demonic he becomes. Any advice from our resident goat expert?????

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      6. CrystalBay – i’m not certain, but it may be key that he lost his buddy early on. goats are not solitary animals – they like company. is Rambo intact? (does he have his family jewels?) if she gets another male, be sure he’s not an intact buck or they’ll fight badly. a “wether” will not compete with the buck – just keep him company. those horns are a problem…..
        other big reason is that he might be bored. my friend John once said of chickens “you do not want a bored chicken.” well, you do NOT, NOT, NOT want a bored goat. maybe some toys (a brush or one of those brushy welcome mats screwed to a solid post so he can rub his head) a platform (solidly built) for him to jump around on, some toys (a friend uses one of those “horse toy balls” that hang from above so they can chase it.
        good luck – if you can make him happy he’ll know he has it good and will not escape (maybe 🙂

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  7. A grand morning to you all. We are off to Fargo and Luverne this long weekend, and I will have limited computer access. The weather is going to cooperate, and I have no intention of going up on ladders. My very elderly father frequently goes up on ladders to monkey with the heat tapes in the rain gutters of his condo unit, wash windows, etc. He’s the only man in the group of 6 condos, and those old women have him on ladders to do all sorts of repair jobs. I think BSOR would disapprove.

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  8. Not sure whether it’s fei da or ish da, or my grandma’s uffda meg: we need BSO Rafferty here. Husband has two ladders up against what’s left of Huge Old Box Elder, ready to go up and saw off remaining limbs, then slowly undo the large chain that is holding two other limbs together…

    I help him plan, then go away and don’t watch. I can personally go about 2/3 the way up on one ladder if I don’t look down… I like small step ladders if I have something to hold onto.

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  9. Tell BSOR that ladders are already required to have ‘graphics’ on them by OSHA. But, yes, the ‘graphics’ aren’t all that graphic. Just mfr’s info, type of ladder, load limit, etc. I’m surprised that BSOR didn’t mention the 4:1 rule: For every 4′ up on a ladder, it should be pulled out another 1′ from the wall for optimal stability. My thoughts of ladders usually center on the numerous crusty old guys on job sites telling me that the collection of kindling held together with string, nails, screws, bailing wire, and, (possibly) saliva, shouldn’t be thrown out because, “That’s a good ladder!”

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    1. Yep; one of my favorites was this rickety old 8′ wood step ladder… it was wobbly enough you could twist it to get it in anywhere! And someone threw it out! … the nerve…

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    2. my friend the plaster patcher and taping guru recently went down when his ladder collapsed and he said. i cant believe that ladder gave way, thats been my favorit eladder for 25 years. then he thought about it and realized maybe after 25 years he had overloked some of the dents and dings and crusty connectors that the ladder ended up whacking him because of.
      used to say if you can’t fix it with a pliers and a coat hanger there is too much technology

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  10. Morning!

    I love ladders. Nothing finer than a nice ladder. I recently bought a 14′ double sided fiberglass step ladder for use in my theater. First thing I did was climb up one side, over the top and down the other. Fun!
    One theater in town has a 20′ double sided step ladder. It’s nice too… but almost too big; too hard to move alone; base is so wide you need the wide open prairie for room to set it up… but I’ve sat on top of it as a ‘Spot Light’ platform for a show and it’s nice perch…

    Another theater has three fiberglass ladders: a 24′ extension ladder, 10′ and 12′ fiberglass step ladders and I like nothing better to have them all out and I can go from one ladder to the next to the next.
    …it’s the little things in life you know…

    I remember being in high school and the there was a crew working on the roof of the school with some very large extension ladders. The theater director asked them to come in and mount a pulley way up in the rigging; they hauled in this huge ladder and the foreman said ‘Who’s going up’ and they all about fell over themselves rushing to get there first. I think that influenced me…

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    1. so Ben – my neighbor told me to (when i’m using an extension ladder) put my feet at the base of the two sides and reach out with my arms. the ladder is correctly angled if i can stretch my arms out completely before i touch the ladder. is that right? do you have a LOL?

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      1. Barb, I think that’s probably right… depending how old your ladder is there might be a label on the side; sort of a backward “L”, like this: “_l” and that bottom line should be level to the ground… I’ve been doing ladders so long it’s just intuitive for me.

        Only had one ladder slip out on me and I wasn’t that high; maybe dropped 5 or 6 feet. And I yelped like a little girl when it went.

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      1. Tim; yes; orange ladder… I was told that one company now makes all the ladders; no competition in the ladder market. (For plain old step ladders… I”m not talking articulating ladders)

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      3. Ben, really? A ladder monopoly? Odd that American business, so occupied with climbing the corporate ladder, would tolerate an absence of competition in this most fundamental industry.
        And what would it do to this ladder making monolith if it were slapped with an anti-trust action. Once a ladder company loses your trust, they might as well fold it up, eh?

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      5. Perhaps the problems of the ladder monopoly can be solved by ladder lawyers than can lobby for ladder legislation letting ladders have a legal loophole.

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    3. I love ladders too. I especially love them folded up and flat on the ground. It is when they get up right and begin to have aspirations that I get uncomfortable around them. A flat, folded ladder is a good ladder.

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  11. my painting experience this summer required me to go buy a 42 foot ladder because standing tippy toed on top of the 36 footer was unnerving. the 42 footer is so tall i put one of those big u shaped brackets on the second to the top rung to keep it from wiggleing quite so bad when you are on the way up and making me feel secure when i got to the top. well the bracket shifted and the left side ended up a foot higher than the right side and it got wedged good and hard between the rungs so it wasn’t shifting while i was up there but the ladder leaned a little, so the solution was to tilt the ladder off just a little in this direction and put a couple of pieces of wood under one leg or the other( this was standard operating procedure andyway there are no level spots where i am working.) then rattle a little going up and being comfortable that it was all ok before heading up. got a paint brush in my teeth, a bucket of paint in my hand, a tube of caulk and a putty knife in my pocket and i am good to go. i did look over to the side to see where i was going to fall when the ladder went down more than once, and the plans were made for how to throw the paint away form the house as i fell so it would not be a major cleanup. all for naught, went smooth as silk and the job is done . the ladders put away for the winter and the plans for painting part 2 next spring. i think from this point i will do a shift all summer long and just keep the ladders moving.
    i did love the cigarette warnings and can visualize the ladder warnigns with no problem at all. the guy hitting the power lines with theladder and his hair standing on end, the guy falling with the paint can flying through the air, the guy with arms and legs in a cast and the caption ” ladders can lead to broken bones” lets start with cigarettes, go to ladders and then figure out what we could warn about next. since my kids grew up and the bathtub dancing stopped officer rafferty has leaned to diverify, i think we should too. mike do still have “bop til you drop” by the nylons in the collection?

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    1. tim, my did always painted in a 6 year rotation: one side of the house each summer for 4 years, the trim in the 5th and garage on the 6th.

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  12. Good morning to all and be careful,

    I probably should have a visit from BSO Rafferty because I’m kind of careless in my ladder use. I haven’t had any ladder use accidents, so I guess I am a little careful. Rafferty should have paid a visit to a roofer that employed me when I was younger. I was very nervous about using a very long wood ladder that had cracks in it when I worked for that guy.

    If Rafferty doesn’t pay me a visit to encourage me to be more careful with ladders, I probably should get in touch with Cylde’s church of the ladder day ain’ts. By the way, it could be bad luck to walk under a ladder I am using.

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  13. My plan today is to wash windows…. My ladder is about 25 years old. It’s an aluminum extension ladder. I’m the only one who lives here. If the windows are to be washed, it’ll be me doin’ the washin’! Wish me luck. I’m a born klutz.

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  14. I consider ladders religious furniture . . . because it is my favorite place to pray.
    Speaking of tools, I am selling all of my tools next Saturday.

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  15. Back in my Match.com days I dated a little woman who fit most definitions of being “poor.” When she needed to paint her garage, I volunteered to help because it would be such an unusual opportunity to get to know her. She went to a hardware store to rent a spray paint gun and a set of scaffolding.

    The scaffolding was reassuringly firm as high as it went, but her garage had a steeply gabled roof that meant the highest parts of the garage were much taller than the scaffolding.

    There were several possible solutions to that, all of which would cost money. She needed to return the scaffolding to avoid extra costs, so she put a piano bench on the scaffold and then put a ladder on the piano bench. Then, standing high on the ladder on tiptoe, spray gun in hand, she could barely reach to top of the garage.

    I stood below, heart in my throat, prepared to dive in to break her fall if the rickety combination twisted and dumped her on the asphalt driveway. I was in awe of her “courage,” but later decided she probably was little braver than anyone else. It was more that, as a poor person, she had gotten used to doing what she had to do to get by on the little money she had.

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      1. Naw; she is just plain nuts.
        The right way is to put the extension ladder in the tractor loader bucket and raise that up as high as it will go with the ladder leaning against the barn. Then you can climb up the tractor hood; step on the air cleaner and exhaust stack to get on the loader frame to get into the bucket to climb the ladder. From the top, with the sprayer set on ‘stream’ you can shoot paint to the peak of the barn…

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    2. I really admire that little woman’s guts, especially having faced the many challenges of being an older single woman with a large property. And being
      poor, too.

      In all this ladder talk, it appears I may be the only one who’s actually had the dreaded accident. My ladder was positioned on the deck atop a huge pile of wet leaves (rule #1: make sure your ladder is well-grounded!). I was up on the roof to blow out leaves in the gutters. My neighbor below was screeching at me to be careful. As my foot made contact with the highest rung in my descent, the whole ladder slipped on the wet leaves and I came crashing down.

      I was tangled up in the rungs and laying there in shock when my neighbor called 911. Paramedics, police, and a firetruck came in mere moments while the neighbors gathered around to gawk at me. I kept insisting that I was “just fine” and needed no help. They kept insisting that I needed to “take a little ride to the hospital”. Finally, after failing to sit upright without passing out over & over, I allowed them to strap me to a hard board & go to Methodist.

      I was lucky. My only injuries – other than to my pride – were a few stitches in a finger & an ankle. The doctor told me that a guy in the next cubicle who’d fallen the very same distance I had just died. I still go up ladders only now I shake like a leaf every time.

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  16. LOL, all of you.

    My favorite ladder vignette is from Storm Lake, Iowa, when I was about 7 or 8. My Aunt Connie were visiting with their 4 kids, so there were about 10 of us going to the beach, and my folks decided to try “the other side of the lake” where there was supposed to be a less frequented beach. I’ll say — only way we could even get to it was clambering over boulders and even a barbwire fence, till I, the wanderer, travelled far enough to find this little double sided ladder (am I saying that right? one side up and one side down) someone had built to get over the barbwire. Of course, just us little people needed it, the big people had been able to clear the fence, but I was so pleased with myself, and my 3 year old sister liked it too. We have that beach on 8 mm film (now converted), but I don’t believe the ladder got in there.

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      2. Oops, this was supposed to land after Catherine’s (MIG’s, I mean) post about that classics (uh-oh!) website.

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      1. Ah, so the crooked stile in that song (There was a crooked man, who walked a crooked mile…) was actually a little fence? Thanks, Clyde.

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      5. Elizabeth continued her walk alone, crossing field after field at a quick pace, jumping over stiles and springing over puddles with impatient activity, and finding herself at last within view of the house, with weary ancles, dirty stockings, and a face glowing with the warmth of exercise.

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      6. tsk, tsk, tsk-’tis Charlotte Bronte as wrote Jane Eyre. (hangs head in shame)

        Jane is sitting on the stile to the surprise of Rochester whose horse hits a patch of ice causing man and horse to come crashing down and thus Jane and Rochester meet. YOu can read all about it here:

        http://classiclit.about.com/library/bl-etexts/cbronte/bl-cbronte-jan-12.htm

        I am thinking absolutely no good can come of my discovery today that I can read the classics at my work computer.

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  17. I don’t like heights with open space in front of me, but ladders are a whole different thing. Got one of those dandy combination ladders that accordians into 4 sections and can make all sort of configurations. Kind of heavy for shlepping around, but I kind of like heavy in a ladder otherwise. We mostly use it for climbing up to clean the gutters. About the time the s&h turned 7 or 8, I lost the job of being the person at the top of the ladder and am now the footer.

    House rule is no ladder climbing or working with electricty or saws unless somebody else who can use a phone is around to hear you scream. Hope that qualifies me for a LOL from BSOR.

    I’m going to beg to differ with you on one point, Dale:

    “I think the political environment just shifted away from favoring more regulation.”

    In my experience, the new crowd coming in is perfectly willing to tell other folks how to live. Banks and corporations can run wild-but 2 consenting adults, who knows what they might get up to.

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  19. I will gladly foot a ladder for any of you willing to climb one. I will climb an A-frame under 12 feet without thinking, but extension ladders give me the willies. Scaffolding to high heights seems do-able, but any ladder over 12 feet or so makes me nervous, as does anything that might bounce around while I’m climbing it (which is why I build sets and don’t do much lighting design…sets I can design so I don’t have to climb tall ladders to paint…).

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  20. Who knew ladders would be so much fun?? (Well, Dale did.)

    BYW, Dale, apparently the posting time here on the blog didn’t switch when DST went off. Not to give you fits or anything…

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  21. My former husband had a small construction company. He was shingling a steep roof the summer daughter 2 was born. He lost his footing and slid all the way down and landed on concrete. His head needed a few stitches. He was lucky. Another time he was on an extension ladder in his shop and it gave way – probably didn’t have it angled right. He was lucky. No broken bones, just a bruised foot. Three years ago he had a stroke. He received the medicine that needs to be administered within 3 hours to be successful and he made a remarkable recovery. Again – lucky. On Halloween night he was getting ready to go have dinner with a friend when he collapsed on the floor. I’m so sorry to tell you that luck was unreachable. His funeral was a week ago.
    He was 55.

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      1. Thanks Blog Buddies. I had all last week off and my children all home so his death wasn’t all bad. My ex was a funny guy. He would have laughed at that tasteless joke, so I hope you’ll at least pretend to. Anyway, like Dale said a while back, humor is what we humans do to get a grip, and we get the grippe to naturally cleanse our innards. It’s all relative. And interwinkled.

        P.S. Yous guyses posts about ladders today gave me the hiccups!!
        P.P.S. I love all ya’ll.

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      2. i especially like the tasteless joke donna, he would have too. like they say, those who die are never gone, they are just around in a different sense. hang in there through the transition and i will keep you and your family in my thoughts.

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    4. Words simply cannot capture what it must be like to lose your husband at such a young age. He’d dodged three major bullets and finally ran out of “luck”. None among us can know when time will run out or in what way. In a sense, we’re all living on borrowed time from the moment we’re born. My heart goes out to you and your daughters, Donna. I am so very very sorry.

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    7. Condolences to you and your kids, Donna. It is tragic whenever someone leaves before they (and we) are ready. There is something to be said for a quick, pain-free exit, but timing is everything and this, clearly, happened too soon.

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