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You Heard It Here First

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Several major news organizations sent out false reports yesterday in their haste to be the first to tell you something had happened.

But the thing they said had happened hadn’t happened, though perhaps it will soon or maybe by the time you read this, it already has. But yesterday, when they said it had, it hadn’t.

Getting a scoop has long been the goal of many a serious journalist. The bigger the story, the harder it is to get out in front of everyone else. So when the margin of victory is minutes or even seconds, it’s understandable that some of the top contenders might flinch, hoping that someday a sizable number of people will remember that their organization was the one to deliver the earliest news.

http://flic.kr/p/5TritM
http://flic.kr/p/5TritM

If people remember such things.

So now I have a news flash of my own. Time May Not Exist!

I’m pretty certain I’m the first one out with this story, because I just learned it from a Discover Magazine article that was printed in 2007. And in the article, they quoted a lot of smart people who were talking about time a long time ago, and the consensus seems to be that “a long time ago” doesn’t actually mean anything.

There’s more! The closer you look at time the more confusing it becomes and the less certain you are about everything. And so it seems like everything that has happened and will happen is accessible, with the right technology.

So I’m going to claim the scoop on this particular headline:

Scientists Have Just Conclusively Proven That Time Is Artificial And Everything Exists At Once!

Of course this hasn’t happened yet, but when it does, the explanation will further illuminate how “yet” is a meaningless concept. Details to follow.

I’m happy because journalism just got easier! It appears you can write any headline you like and simply wait for it to come true.

What story would you like to break?

87 thoughts on “You Heard It Here First”

  1. You are absolutely correct, Dale; there is no such thing as time – even though some complain that there’s not enough of it or too much of it. It’s purely a figment of our collective imagination. For instance, I need to surrender my concept that “time’s running out”. When someone asks, “What time is it?”, the only rational answer is “NOW”.

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  2. Good morning. I suppose those scientist in that article do have something significant to say about time. How would I know? I find that kind information interesting, but completely out my reach in some area of scientific study that I don’t understand.

    I would like to break a story that a world conference was held where an agreement was reached for the people of the world to work together to solve the world’s problems. Do you think that has already happen because the theories of time that Dale mentioned can turn the future into the present? I hope so.

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  6. i enjoyed the heck out of this movie back in the day of the big theaters and a picture that was capable of making you forget that you were in the theater. it was a time travel movie about jack the ripper in san fransisco. i fell in love with mary steenburgen and was taken with her voice and gentle presentation. evidently malcomb macdowell was too they married and lived their version of oil and water for an extended period but that is only relative in a timely sense. was that 40 years ago or 40 minutes. i get confused about this on a regular basis these days but i imagine i have already commented on this before too.

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    2. The movie “Somewhere in Time” is a beautiful love story between 2 people in different times with Christopher Reeves and Jane Seymour. It’s the ultimate love story. It may not have gotten rave reviews from critics, but many people just LOVE the movie — to the point that it has a sort of cult status. I think there are fan gatherings at the Grand Hotel on Mackinac Island (the setting for movie). Lushly filmed on Mackinac Island set in early 20th century with full period costumes. I cry every time I see it.

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  7. i enjoyed the heck out of this movie back in the day of the big theaters and a picture that was capable of making you forget that you were in the theater. it was a time travel movie about jack the ripper in san fransisco. i fell in love with mary steenburgen and was taken with her voice and gentle presentation. evidently malcomb macdowell was too they married and lived their version of oil and water for an extended period but that is only relative in a timely sense. was that 40 years ago or 40 minutes. i get confused about this on a regular basis these days but i imagine i have already commented on this before also

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  9. breaking news …..
    defense of marriage act passed in minnesota a while back

    meet on the capitol steps today in the rain to make it happen.

    Marriage Bill Rally
    State Capitol St. Paul
    Meet at Registration Tent on the lawn
    10:00 am gathering for planning with Tara
    tara@outfront.org 612-670-1659
    contact her if going to attend

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  10. Gather ye rosebuds while ye may,
    Old Time is still a-flying;
    And this same flower that smiles today
    Tomorrow will be dying.

    The glorious lamp of heaven, the sun,
    The higher he’s a-getting,
    The sooner will his race be run,
    And nearer he’s to setting.

    That age is best which is the first,
    When youth and blood are warmer;
    But being spent, the worse, and worst
    Times still succeed the former.

    Then be not coy, but use your time,
    And while ye may, go marry;
    For having lost but once your prime,
    You may forever tarry.

    by Robert Herrick

    – See more at: http://www.poets.org/viewmedia.php/prmMID/15923#sthash.USk3ykMU.dpuf

    Sorry for this video. I couldn’t find a better one. The line is in the first verse.

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    1. i disagree heartily that youth is a ten
      and oldness is withering and rust
      i know that my knees worked better back then
      but my brain is still something i trust

      back when my back carried a ton and a half
      and my brow didnt mind day long sweat
      my judgement in hindsight i just have to laugh
      am i glad to be past that you bet

      the difference between myself back then and now
      is i know what i dont know today
      when i was 18 onward headlong i plowed
      even though i did not know the way

      i was bullet proof fearless and just indestuctable
      magic invisable stuff
      today i enjoy life as though im a truck that pulls
      myself out when im mired in the muck

      so watch what you wish for oh poet of yore
      wisdom isnt granted with rhyme
      it comes from experience while you learn to soar
      god forbid i repeat one more time

      all the adolescent angst and gnashing of teeth
      emotions and hormones gone wild
      give me slow steps refined mind and strength undeneath
      instead of renwed life as a child

      life is not perfect but i didnt screw up completely
      would i change things of course here and there
      but i cant stand the thought of my life lined up neatly
      and an apple pie part in my hair

      from here on out life will be different somehow
      with a toolbox that i filled long the way
      so when it is time to call it quits years from now
      i will know i lived fully that day

      to cash in your chips without having a chance
      to make the world fit life best for you
      take time to enjoy it and join in the dance
      do it all the very best you can do

      lifes fullest takes time to acquire a taste for
      young wine is roust but not fine
      youth is wasted on young folks who race toward
      the unknown at the finish line

      what is it they say when the going gets tough
      all lifes moments ive shared as i went
      will hmeelp end up feeling i got just enough
      for this short trip through the life i have spent.

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  11. I would like to break this story: “Spring finally comes to Minnesota.” The follow up paragraphs would detail the greening of the grass, emergence of brightly colored things from the ground apparently called “flowers,” and the theoretical possibility of an ambient outdoor temperature above 60 degrees Fahrenheit. Residents report strange activities like children riding on self-propelled two-wheeled vehicles, brightly colored flying objects in the sky attached to strings, and families compelled to eat meals in the out-of-doors.

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    1. Spring? We had Spring for a day two weeks ago when it hit 60 degrees. Our forcast tomorrow through Monday reads “Snow/Sleet” each day. Ish!

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  13. My father commented that the ice storm that hit Luverne last week is “the worst I’ve seen in 90 years”. He would know. Imagine all the breaking stories he’s heard since 1921.

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  14. Rise and Shine Baboons!
    I just broke the story that WORDPRESS IS NOT WORKING PROPERLY TODAY!

    Meanwhile, my answer was intended to be: Michelle Bachman or Michele Bachmann convicted and imprisoned for election fraud.

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  15. Catherine (MiG) dropped by to exercise Lexie, my house guest. As she walked in I was watching a breaking story on cable TV. CNN was insisting the Boston bomber had been arrested and MSNBC was insisting he (or they) had not. Dewey defeats Truman!

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    1. OT: Liam update. I haven’t posted about my grandson for some time because some weird stuff has been happening. Poor Molly (his mom) got a message from Liam’s daycare teacher hinting that he might be autistic because he sometimes has trouble getting his sentences out. Everyone who knows this kid was stunned by that possibility, and then we all agreed this teacher was wacko. Molly just took Liam to a speech pathologist/autism expert. She dismissed the notion he is autistic.

      The therapist did run into one of those moments when Liam gets willful. He gets that from his mother, and god only knows where she got it. The therapist said (laughing), “Ooooh, you guys are in trouble!” (meaning Molly and John.) The kid can be awesomely willful.

      As for his speech, he is so advanced he sometimes has competing messages colliding before he can get them out. He speaks like a seven year old, she said, although he just barely turned three. When he says something advanced, it can be curious to hear sophisticated sentences emerging from this tiny human being.

      Liam recently regaled Molly’s book club by talking about the invasion of red ants that is plaguing Molly. “Actually,” said Liam, “this ant situation is really concerning my mama.”

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      1. lucky to get the alert form the daycare provider steve. tell molly to get hinm the hell out NOW. the teacher is an idiot and liam needs to be somewhere the guiding light has a few more watts to offer.

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        1. I may well have posted this link before, but it’s such a marvelous TED Talk about education and creativity that it bears repeating. It’s long (for viewing while causally perusing the blog) but well worth it:

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        2. Thanks for the article, Steve. I will view that video as well, PJ — but, in general, it’s not surprising. My middle boy is somewhat gifted and my youngest has autism. Doctors and psychiatrists (present company excepted) seem to jump too quickly to put a label on a complex spectrum of behaviors, find a suitable drug to control it and proceed within those parameters. Large classrooms, overworked teachers and a single, outdated delivery method of education works against about 50% or more of students to learn optimally. If I didn’t have to work, I would have home schooled my kids years ago. Luckily, my kids do well in school. Nutrition is also a huge factor in how these kids behave. The typical diet is SO DEFICIENT in minerals and high in excitotoxins, it’s no wonder kids are so squirrelly and moody.

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      3. At one of her regular checkups, around age 4 or so, the doctor was very concerned about middle daughter’s hearing. He wrote out a referral to a specialist. This was a surprise to me as I had not noticed any problems with her hearing at all. But she didn’t raise her hand at all for any of the tones in the hearing test, even when I could hear them through the headphones she was wearing.

        As we were leaving the clinic, I asked her why she didn’t raise her hand for any of the sounds. She calmly told me, “Because I didn’t feel like it.”

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        1. That would be funny, if it weren’t such a lame action on part of doctor/tester. They should have checked in with you or asked your daughter if she understood the directions and re-take the test. But it is funny — she sounds like a strong personality!

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        2. Yes, she is a strong personality. And she understood the directions perfectly – she just didn’t feel like following directions (very typical all her life long).

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    2. Well, if time is artificial, according the news story that Dale claimed he scooped, my scoop is that time travel is now possible. I know this is true because with time becoming artificial, according to Dale, there is no reason we can’t go to any place we want to without regard to time. Do you think I am right or will it turn out that I am jumping to conclusion like some news people and I will soon have to admit that I am off the mark.

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      1. Sorry about putting this in the wrong place under Steve’s entry. Another story off the mark do to faulty reporting.

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        1. According to Dale, everything exists at once. I assume that includes the past, the present, and the future. If all of time is here, I assume you can find any time frame you wish to visit by taking a look at what is around you. You would then be able to visit the future or the past without going any place because it is all here, right? I’m no Einstein. Perhaps I have this wrong and will have to retract my news scoop.

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      1. I told her theis morning that I now can sue her and evict her. She asked me if I had prepared a tort (she just finished a law and justice class). I said yes, it was chocolate. She wasn’t amused.

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    5. you done good renee
      congrats on introducing the daughter ot the world and the world to your daughter. i think it is a very nice contribution

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  17. Aaah… a fantasy day. My favorites. I have a couple of stories I’d like to break:

    Discovery of fuel that generates itself from air.
    Announcement that tele-transporting can actually work and is cheap and safe.
    Cures found for Alzheimers and cancer. Two pills a day for a week then done.
    Loch Ness monster and Sasquatch do exist and have a great long distance going.

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  23. “Poems On Time

    The butterfly counts not months but moments,
    and has time enough.

    Time is a wealth of change,
    but the clock in its parody makes it mere change and no wealth.

    Let your life lightly dance on the edges of Time
    like dew on the tip of a leaf.”

    ― Rabindranath Tagore

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  27. ach, the time paradox episodes of Star Trek always make my head hurt if I try to think about them too much. Stephen Hawkings’ Brief History of Time also makes my head spin. I can only enjoy Dr. Who as a Time Lord because I don’t think about it too much.

    Yes, I am a die-hard Linearist.

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  28. VS – I assume you are the Sherrilee who just won tickets from Radio Heartland for David Wilcox at the Cedar. Congrats!

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    2. Yes, it’s me! I haven’t won any RH tickets for quite some time. Now I just gotta figure out who gets to go with me……..

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  29. Greetings! I love all the SciFi stuff about time and time travel and have been watching many episodes of Doctor Who of late. Of course, time is an illusion and an artificial construct.

    My idea of breaking news is something that should have been all over the news decades ago, but has been ridiculed and suppressed. A very reputable and serious movie/documentary is coming out next week — here’s the trailer with info on the fact that it “discloses top secret information about classified energy & propulsion techniques” – See more at: http://siriusdisclosure.com/?gclid=CNDc2rTv1LYCFeNcMgodImYAKw#sthash.hbDMiVoq.dpuf

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  30. I would like to break the story “United States Launches National Health Plan.” This health plan would eliminate all medical and dental insurance premiums and deductibles. Copays would range from $0 to $25.

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  31. OT – Just received notification that airline tickets from the Twin Cities to either Beijing or Shanghai are available for only $850.00 (roundtrip, including taxes). A great deal. I’ll be trying to talk Hans into going. Field trip, anyone?

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  33. First we return, then we arrive, and lastly set out. The second time is easier, fortunately, as it occurs before the first time, so that we lose rather than accumulate experience.

    – Robert Hunter

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  36. The story I’d like to break would be: Congress passes thorough background checks and common sense gun control all across the land. (I would swear I had posted this earlier – either WordPress is messing with me, or I forgot to hit POST.)

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