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Of Two Minds

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Today’s post comes from Congressman Loomis Beechly, representing Minnesota’s 9th District – all the water surface area in the state.

beechly-speech

Greetings Constituents!

I had a wonderful time in the 9th district during my extended August break, floating around Lac du Loon on my executive inner tube. But now I’m back in our nation’s capital for what will be, I’m certain, a very exciting September. I am already starting to adjust my way of thinking. 

As an unaffiliated and unacknowledged member of the House of Representatives, I’ll have some serious choices to make over the next few weeks.

  1. Should I stand with the president on striking at Syria in some meaningful, attention-getting, but non-invasive way?
  2. Should I hold the line on the budget by refusing to raise the debt ceiling, thereby risking a default?
  3. Should I give a hoot about passing laws, or do I just want to UNpass some?
  4. Should Congress act to take control of Miley Cyrus’ career before she spirals completely out of control and winds up in Lindsay Lohan territory?

These are the pressing issues of the day, and I wish I had quick, easy answers.

But I don’t! As a member of Congress, I’m usually too busy talking about various things to be able to take the time necessary to know anything about them. So on the mysterious questions listed above, I’ve decided to use the zig-zag voting strategy. That’s where I alternate votes to keep my opponents guessing and to give the Law of Averages a chance to make me right sometimes.

So I’ll vote “Yes” “No” “Yes” “No.” In that order.

And I do this fully aware that the public will not love me for it.   Americans’ approval rating for Congress is remarkably low. The irony is stunning. Every two years we run so hard in our districts to try to get everyone to love us. And for our success, the reward is to be stuck in a job where we are routinely and robustly despised.

I know this, and yet I don’t know it, because I’ve concluded that in order to make a decent life in public service, you need to have two brains where each one does not quite know what the other one is up to. One brain can stay convinced that you are brilliant, charming and good, while the other brain absorbs criticism and says all the things that are necessary to raise campaign funds.

And of course with two brains, you always have deniability. Though sometimes it helps to have three in case the first two start comparing notes. By now I might be up to as many as five – I’m not entirely sure. But no matter how minds I have running at any one time, I’m proud to say that at least one of my them faithfully represents Minnesota’s fabled 9th District!

And the other one is, of course, thoroughly appalled.

Your Congressman,
Loomis Beechly

How many minds do you have?

43 thoughts on “Of Two Minds”

  1. i like the senator need to have multiple brains working at all times. the one that wants to do it one way for the fun of it. the one that wants to do it the right way , the one that works out the compromise the one that works while i am asleep to resolve questions, the math brain the creative brain the autopilot brain the get it done before it becomes a problem brain. the keep it in the back of your brain brain that makes sure that things dont get dropped until i am darn good and ready to drop them. it reminds me of the question i saw of the beer aficionado, “if you had to choose one beer to drink for the rest of your life which one would it be?” his response was “if i had to choose just one i think id killl myself” i feel that way about brains. nice to have a choice.

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  2. Good morning. I would say that Beechly really has no mind. If you want to be of two or more minds, it seems you don’t want to use your mind at all. He could claim that he is trying to have an open mind and will make up his mind after careful consideration of the facts and thoughtful consideration of their meaning and significance. I hope that is what he will do. It doesn’t seem that will be the case.

    I/m afraid I am a little like Beechly when it comes to how many minds I have. I might be accussed of being a little too single minded at times. I try not to be too scattered. Some times my mind is nearly completely out of commission.

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  3. RISE AND SHINE BABOONS!

    Pardon my judgement, here. I do think that Congressman Beechley has no mind at all. Ever! Perhaps it is the effects of all that water he lives in/on/near.

    Meanwhile, I often have two minds, especially when there are important decisions involving warlike actions or war. I hop back and forth from one foot to the other, saying “on the one hand and on the other.” Regarding the questions listed above my minds are as follows:

    1. Oh, please don’t–the last time was a big mistake that cost us so much
    2. No
    3. Some thoughtful legislation would be nice. Perhaps even vital to our mutual future, so you might want to consider really doing your job.
    4. Looks like she is sliding down the LL ladder, but really who cares. It’s her business and all that.

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  5. First, thank you all dear Baboons for the lovely birthday wishes.And thank you Dale for asking a question that implies I am in possession of at least one mind, possibly in working order.

    Like tim I’m pretty sure I enjoy having access to several different minds. I like to think that I approach things intellectually & rationally, but reserve the right to go off half-cocked sometimes or even just refuse to think about something I can do nothing about, at least for a little while.

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  6. It would be nice to have one brain for remembering things like people’s names and how I know them, another for just Thinking Smart Things, and one for doing most everything else. I’m afraid, based on how I was functioning last night, that the one brain allotted to me toddled off while I was washing windows and is now ensconced in some quiet vacation spot sipping mai tais without me.

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  7. Usually, two minds. Left and right brain. Some days are arty, expressive, feelings oriented. Other days are analytic, number focused, fact based.

    But then, all too often I barely have one mind. And of course there are the moments where “I have half a mind to _________!”

    Chris in O-town

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  9. Let’s see: there’s Lewis and Arnold. Annette and Maurice. (But Maurice has not been around in quite awhile. I miss his cheesy Quebeque accent.) Rhonda, who can be quite a lot of help. Years ago Sigmund was lurking around, making suggestive thoughts, but I grew out of that stage. Oh, and Larry, who for some reason I think of as vaguely green. Dale I used to hear from almost every day, a little less often now. Sometimes in the distance, towards my hypothalamus (which I like to call Blackhoof), I hear the braying of goats. Tim darts through, dropping his upper cases ans lower jaw, but he is easy to ignore. And Boots, who keeps me grounded.

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  10. At first blush, the phrase “of two minds” sounds cool because none of us has as much of a mind as we think we should. Wouldn’t it be better to have more mind, more mind power? Alas, this seems a case where less is more. I have only one mind, but working with it takes all my attention and energy. My one mind is sneaky, unpredictable, stubborn and altogether not trustworthy. I work hard at guiding my own mind, but sometimes it feels like trying to manage a sack full of weasels.

    And here i need to insert a small apology. Two or three times a year, I am wrong. Yesterday when I told some Rock Bend music fans that Chastity Brown is Greg Brown’s daughter . . . well, you shouldn’t have believed me. Sorry. I got suspicious of my own memory of that “fact” when she consistently called us “y’all.” That’s a Tennessee girl, not an Iowan!

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    1. Glad to see you know what the question is, tim. I have a mind of my own, so I decide how I’m going to answer that question.

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    2. Actually the question is how many minds do you have. But if our brains can have many Browns, can they also have multiiple Brians?

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        1. How’d that happen – it was supposed to go under Steve’s…

          To Linda I can only say, Uffda!

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  14. Hello, dearest baboons. I have been preoccupied with company since Thursday. I was of two minds last week whether to contact my dad’s cardiologist or just let my concerns about his angiogram go. I let them go. The old boy had stents put in two 10 year old bypasses that had almost completely clogged up. He says he is feeling better now and isn’t having many, if any, chest pains.

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