Science

Amateur Jugglers Rejoice!

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I’m sure I learned something in college, though I’m not certain I can put it into words. My major was Radio-Television, and I’ve worked in radio all my adult life. But the skills I use every day are not things I learned in class. I picked them up while working at the campus radio station.

When it comes to classwork, the greatest course of my entire post-secondary career wasn’t even in the Radio-TV Department, it was taught out of the campus auditorium and it was called “Vaudeville”.

Yes, I took the most academically rigorous route available.

When questioned about this choice by my cash-strapped parents I explained that my mission was to succeed in the media, and since radio and television are entertainment mediums, it was necessary for me to be conversant in other, historic forms of mass amusement.

They acknowledged my logic but still did not pay for the pricier tap shoes.

In spite of my being personally underfunded for this particular class, as part of “Vaudeville” the instructor, Jo Mack Witwer, did managed to teach me to tap dance and to juggle.

Like virtually everything else I learned in class during those years, I didn’t keep up the daily practice and eventually forgot my hoofing and juggling skills though I do like thinking of myself as someone who can, in a pinch, do both.

This all comes rushing back because scientists have successfully duplicated an earlier attempt to create a super-heavy element, a metal known currently as ununseptium, soon to throw its atomic weight around the periodic table under a different, freshly-minted name.

Ununseptium doesn’t exist in nature – it has to be created in the laboratory by bombarding radioactive berkelium-249 with calcium-ion beams. And then as soon as it exists, this inherently unstable element starts to decay , breaking down into other unstable elements before it finally devolves into parts that are capable of existing for a span of time that actually registers with our conscious minds.

But existing for a few milliseconds in repeated experiments is enough to qualify ununseptium for a new name and permanent inclusion in the table of elements. I admire the scientists who managed this and am in awe of their achievement, though with entirely selfish motives.

Here’s why – if ununseptium is an element, then I am still a juggler.

I discovered through experimentation that if I practice for two days straight, I can juggle three balls for five seconds before my eye-hand coordination goes kerflooey and everything hits the floor. But those five seconds are golden, and they make up a span of time that’s much longer than any atom of ununseptium has ever existed.

Mission accomplished!

What are you good at for only a very short time?

42 thoughts on “Amateur Jugglers Rejoice!”

  1. I remember that. I always figured you were someday going to run away and join the circus.

    At least, that’s what your family and friends were hoping.

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    1. joe , welcome..
      you are the key to dales silent past? we can have some fun. are you an almost 60 illinois kid also?
      dale did kind of join the circus and now we are the performers. some days we do better than others.
      i too am a juggelr for a minute witht eh standadrd motion. no one handed fancy stuff or throwing in chain saws for me. just three tennis balls

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      1. You want stories about Dale? Oh, I’ve got a few. I probably won’t tell any that will embarrass him. But you *can* ask him about “a little goatee behind the mike”.

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      1. I’m not sure what you mean–open my trenchcoat? Rip open my shirt and show you the Kryptonian symbol on my red, blue and yellow costume?

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        1. Either will do for starters. Tell us about your connection to Dale and who the heck you are. Obviously you’re quite the character if the first thing that enters your mind is ripping open your trenchcoat. You’ll find yourself in excellent company here.

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      2. I was Dale’s room mate in college. Now I live alone (I do have a dog).

        College professor. Currently teaching for the semester in Romania on sabbatical/ Fulbright grant.

        Vegetarian. Magician. Three Stooges fan. Beatles fan.

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        1. My oh my, Joe… you definitely belong on the Trail here! Welcome, welcome.

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        7. Have you read The Historian? It takes place partly in Transylvania. Gave me the grues for weeks.

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        10. I can vouch for Joe here. He is the Real Thing, in every sense of the word. But don’t you have snakes anymore? And where is your dog if you’re in Romania?

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  4. was once in a twist contest with a lady i had met on the spot at a bar in wisconsin. it was pretty drunk out and while i could twist again like we did last summer for a long enough period of time to get us to the finals i had a blowout when in mattered and did the death spiral right before her very eyes. it was fun while it lasted. my three minutes of dance fame.

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  6. Staying on topic
    I find myself in the midst of a story I’m telling trying to remember where the hell this conversation started so I can put a relavent finish on it

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  7. Rise and Shine Baboons!

    DIets–I start with good intentions, then 5 minutes later when a cookie appears in my field of vision, the diet is blown.

    I go back to work today — my system is back to Central Daylight Time — so vacation is officially over.

    Sigh

    Sob

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  8. Good morning. I could make a lot of money as a professional bowler if I knew how I manage to sometimes display a high level of skill on the bowling lanes. Most of the time my skill at this sport is not too high. For brief periods of time I can “get in a groove” and bowl like a pro.

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  9. Shopping. So little patience. It’s a great source of sorrow to the Teenager.

    Also juggling. When I went to college there were still PE requirements but since it was the early seventies, there were lots of “non-traditional” options. I fulfilled my PE requirement by taking 2 juggling classes. Like Dale, after all these years, I can now only juggle for a minute or so before chaos reins!

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  10. Things I’m good at for a short time:

    Being serious, the occasional round of golf (I’ve shot under par for a handful of 18-hole rounds), juggling for about 15 seconds (I’m a disciple of the “Juggling for Klutzes” school of juggling, suffering fools, paying attention, sex (depending on one’s definition of “short time”), keeping perfect time on my drum set while playing along with the music, holding my breath, writing witty comments on the Trail Baboon (and of course that one is completely subjective) …

    If I think of anything more, I’ll add later, because I am really good at having a short attention sp–

    “Oh, look! A cardinal just landed on the tree outside my window.”

    Chris in Owa — (something something)

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  11. Ah, Dale, I love this line of thinking. And please come back frequently, Joe Dobson.

    Ice skating comes to mind. I used to be pretty good, but now I’m afraid of falling… I’m sure there are others – be back later.

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  13. Dancing for sure – I can dance vigorously for hours without even sitting down (only to Motown), but can’t walk to the mailbox without getting winded. I’m thinking this may be due to the adrenaline surge from live bands and welcoming patrons.

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  15. This is a hard question. I’m not good at much of anything, even for a short time. I am bad at shopping – unless it’s shopping for books. I’m not even going to mention sex (oops, i guess i just did). How about…washing dishes! Or paying attention to a lecture – I’m good for about 2 minutes and then I tune out.

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  18. If you are good enough at something for a short time and you do it over and over, people will think you are good at something for a long time.

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  19. Housekeeping. I am an excellent housekeeper, but only for very short periods of time. I love a clean and tidy house. I love having a well appointed set of rooms with flowers and such like artfully displayed, and by golly, I can clean and be artful with the best of them, for maybe an hour, half a day tops. I keep trying to figure out the problem. I think I have the answer in the form of my very favorite (or not) multiple choice exams:

    The reason my house immediately descends into chaos is:

    a) me
    b) the s&h
    c) the cats
    d) more than one of the above may be correct (this was the one that always drove me nuts on exams)
    e) none of the above

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  20. Sometimes I think I am really good at therapy, and then everything goes south with most of my clients, and then I think i am really good at psychological evaluations for a while, and then it gets tedious, and then i am really effective at therapy for a while. Is it me or is it the people I work with?

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