Today’s post comes from Bubby Spamden, a perennial sophomore at Wendell Willkie High School.
Hey Mr. C.,
Now that it’s spring and all, people at Willkie have really started to talk seriously about what jobs they want to have when they’re all graduated from school.
This is the thing that our parents keep telling us we should think about all the time, but they must not remember being fifteen at all because there is so much more to worry about – really important stuff like “was Ashley looking at me this morning over the top of her book?” and “do I have something gross stuck to my face?”
Anyway, there are lots of people who want to be movie stars and rock stars and sports stars, like that’s really a thing you can be. And then there are the more practical ones, who say they want to be accountants and engineers and software coders.
But I saw something the other day that I thought would be a really cool job and I totally didn’t know anybody could do this – I want to be a face researcher so I can spend my time thinking about really important questions like why do we have chins?
I didn’t carefully read the article where I saw this because it was so long! (I want to spend my time looking at faces, not fighting my way through all those words, words, words!) But I think I get the basics.
Humans have chins because evolution is making our faces shrink!
Wow! Yes! It turns out our chins are slower to change than the rest of our heads when it comes to right-sizing, evolution-style. That’s weird!
So I want to find a University somewhere that has a major in Body Part Studies.
I think that would be incredibly cool because that’s sort of what everybody does in college anyway, but I’d be getting credit for it! And we’ll need more trained body part experts, because everything is changing.
I figure evolution is going to keep doing its thing. So the human face of the future will probably have even less chin, and this will mean huge changes in everything, especially in professional sports like horse racing and the NFL where they have to use chin straps to keep their hats on.
Enter me, the Highly Esteemed Face Researcher!
As America’s top face scholar, I’ll have plenty of work to do, giving my opinion about faces of all kinds! I’d love to do the American version of a contest they had in Britain a few years ago to find the Most Beautiful Face. Florence Colgate, call me!
And if my focus on the face doesn’t pan out, I’ll just shift my research to another body part that’s getting more attention.
I hear booties are big, but not big enough!
Even though I’m extremely reluctant to discourage the dreams of the young, I told Bubby I’m skeptical that he’ll be able to assemble the right credentials to ascend to the post of America’s Leading Face Researcher. After all, it’s hard to become recognized as an expert in anything when every other person already thinks they’re an expert in the same field.
Kind of like being a writer in Hollywood.
But at least he’s showing a hunger for knowledge, as long as it doesn’t require too much reading.
In what area would you like to gain some expertise?