Today’s post comes from Wessew
My car is now named “Alice”. On November 6, 2016, my 2007 Impala attained average earth/ moon perigee. According to the odometer, it had traveled to the point in the heavens that on average is closest to the moon’s orbit of the earth. I named her “Alice” in honor of the long-suffering wife of Ralph Kramden (Jackie Gleason of Honeymooners fame) who frequently threatened to launch her toward that celestial body. If the Chevy reaches the orbit of Mars, 46.8 million miles, “Alice” will transgender to “Ray” in honor of The Martian Chronicles author, Bradbury. It seems unlikely that I will witness that event given the time necessary to achieve it. I think I’ll give “Alice” that opportunity by putting her disposition in my last will and testament. The person who gets the most monies must also take care of the car. Thereafter, my forebears can effect the renaming rites.
This is the first automobile I’ve had that has recorded such a distance. I bought it new, so all but 50 of those 225,884 miles are mine. Alice did reach the milestone of closest lunar approach to earth, the Beaver Moon, earlier then the actual event. On November 14, 2016 the moon will be at perigee 223,000 miles, the closest to earth it has been since 1948, an event not to be repeated until 2034. So either she is early or I am late with this article. In either case, she and I are well on our way to apogee. Also, I’m quite certain that my total mileage logged driving cars puts me on the return leg of a second lunar round trip so there is no need to quibble over a few thousand miles when were talking about nearly a million.
My driving career began with tooling around the farmstead in a 1948 Studebaker Champion. It was no longer road worthy and hadn’t been licensed for years but for the sake of driving practice it was perfect for my needs. My Dad had given it to me with the thought that I might become some sort of restoration mechanic. Well, that never happened, although it would be great to still possess what is now a classic automobile. We also had a 1964 Rambler station wagon with a push button automatic transmission. My sisters liked learning to drive with that car as it relieved them of having to shift gears using a clutch. Wimps!
Many makes and models have now come and gone. Most of the time they were good companions but the brand that caused the most trouble was the 1983 Renault Alliance. It was Motor Trend and Car And Driver magazines Car of the Year. Those publications have since apologized for their recommendations; hundreds of repair dollars and tons of frustration too late for me and thousands of victims. The gas pump failed. The oil pump failed. The transmission failed. The air conditioner failed. Even the radio failed. It never even made 30,000 miles. The model did make Car Talk several times and Tom and Ray had some sympathy for the people who owned that junk but none for those who made it.
“The Renault Alliance proved the adage that nothing bad will happen to the person who owns a French car, because it already has.”
What is the best thing to come out of France?