2023, holidays, Uncategorized, work

Forced Jollity

52 Comments

Christmas parties at my behavioral health agency have always been somewhat controversial. Back in the days of the “good ol’ boys” administrators they were boozy and pretty wild evening affairs at the local Elks Club or Knights of Columbus. People brought their spouses or significant others. Husband and I once played harmonica and bass guitar, respectively, in a employee blues band that had our LDS (Mormon) psychiatrist standing on her chair and clapping and shouting. The occasional employee invariably had too much to drink and had to be talked to the next work day about their behavior. We now have far different administrators who are female and more concerned with team building. Our Christmas parties take place in our building during work hours, there is no alcohol, and only employees attend.

Our workplace has been pretty stressful this past year, and many of us are getting burned out. Our head administrator and new clinical director were intent that this year’s party was going to be fun and healing if it killed us. We had our Christmas party on Wednesday. There were about 35 of us. The party was from noon until 4:00. It was considered a staff meeting, so everyone was expected to attend. We had been randomly divided into four teams the end of November and each team had given the assignment to decorate one of the doors in the waiting rooms. They had to be decorated by December 10th. This was a team building exercise. We had to vote on which door was the best. The teams were also assigned various categories of foods to bring for the potluck meal. My team was assigned main dishes and sides. We were encouraged to bring “ethnic” foods. I brought butter chicken, North Indian mixed vegetables, homemade chapati, and basmati rice. (One of our new crisis workers is from India and got tearful eating the vegetables because it tasted like the vegetables her mother makes.) Our Filipina psychiatric nurse brought Lumpia and a chicken dish. Our Ukrainian Crisis Team lead brought cabbage rolls. There were lots of pasta salads, barbecue, snack chips, dips, and desserts.

We then had team competitions playing multiple rounds of Family Feud. My team won. We had a white elephant gift exchange. I got a Willie Nelson chia pet planter kit. I gave a 3-D model of the brain that we had in the basement.

I was pretty exhausted by 4:00 with all the socializing and snacking. (I had got up at 5:00 AM to fry the chapati.) Was the party fun? Yes and no. I don’t think forced jollity works real well, but it was nice to be at work and be able to talk to coworkers and not worry about productivity. Our administrators are already thinking of next December’s team building exercises. 

What do you think would make a good team building exercise for a work place? What are the best and worst work parties you had to attend?

52 thoughts on “Forced Jollity”

  2. This just in. The excellent old farts’ (hate the standard term for us old people) center to which I belong posts on facebook, often several times a day. Just now they posted that as we attend family gatherings this year we should watch for signs of mental and physical failings in our older relatives. Gives a warm glow to the festivites, does it not? “Hey, grandma, you’re looking demented there. Want some more cranberries?”
    As a matter of fact, I tell my two children to do that, especially in my driving.

    Liked by 5 people

    Reply

    2. Ours is called FiftyNorth. Membership is open to those age 50 and north. They do lots of things that include all ages. It’s a really active place and contributes enormously to the whole community. They provide the popcorn wagon to Riverwalk Market Fair and all other community events in Bridge Square. The Citizen’s Action Council and food shelf is in the same building, also community and volunteer driven. There’s a courtyard with gardens and a walk way, there’s a fitness center, work out room, yoga and dance room, a swimming pool, sauna and hot tub, an art gallery, a small library, a senior band, a couple of singing groups, a chime group, and a folk music group that I am involved with. I like that it supports senior contributions to the whole community and keeps seniors healthy by participating in community events. I like being a member there.

      Liked by 5 people

      Reply

    3. my mom was a scary driver for maybe 10 years before she quit
      quit at night but should have quit altogether
      she had the front end of her car taken off by a pepsi semi as she was getting off the freeway and pepsi was getting on
      pepsi is a scumbag company but that got her to quit

      Liked by 1 person

      Reply

  3. I’m extremely skeptical of “team building exercises”. In my experience the team gets along fine, and organically without the heavy hand of management to push things. It’s usually management who doesn’t fit into the team.

    My recollection of office Christmas parties is somewhat faded since the last one I attended was about 25 years ago. The best ones included spouses and required nothing from the employees, not even their attendance. If there was an issue with someone over imbibing, it was invariably someone from management.

    At the last place I worked, there was also a summer picnic. It was usually held at a park venue inconvenient for spouses or family to join, and it was a non-alcoholic affair. Groups of employees who were also good friends began holding their own alternative picnics elsewhere on picnic day so management began taking attendance. I found this forced attendance objectionable so I started just staying at work on picnic day.

    Liked by 6 people

    Reply

  4. Well, first of all, four hours is way too long for an office party, esp. with no alcohol.

    If you could get people singing, that could be a fun party, but then you’d have all the religious and ideological differences, so you’d have to be sure to have songs from each culture…
    Or how about a beginning folk dance session?? : )
    Sort of kidding, but I know someone at Tapestry (Folkdance Center) who does this quite successfully…

    Liked by 5 people

    Reply

  5. Rise and Grit Your Teeth While You Pretend to Smile, Baboons,

    I am with the other commenters–Four Hours? Waaay tooo long. The only way to go is to have a really good, slightly expensive lunch catered with voluntary attendance seeded with really good gift card door prizes you can only acquire by attending the lunch. And give bonuses.

    I am sure I have told this before, but it continues to be a negative memory. The worst forced attendance work party I ever attended was a “Summer Fun” event at the wasband’s workplace around 1980. The boss, a closeted gay man who eventually died of AIDS, hosted a houseboat party on the St. Croix serving copious amounts of alcohol. He had a mystery guest, Raoul. I remember wasband and co-workers asking who is that guy? We paddled down the river with all parties, including the pilot, drinking heavily (except me and wasband and a piously christian couple with 7 children), getting utterly wasted, then jumping in the river where the houseboat piloted by yet another drunk, had to NOT run over them. Being trapped with a bunch of drunks is the worst experience. I was not sure we would exit this party alive. Meanwhile we hung out for hours with the pious people hearing about their adventures in remaining compliant with their version of the christian faith.

    It was a bad dream, wasn’t it?

    Liked by 5 people

    Reply

  6. I think team building is most effective when the members of the team don’t know each other well–like new hires, or a reorganization of the company where jobs and locations shift.

    I haven’t participated in many work parties or team building exercises. Generally didn’t care for the ones I did experience.

    Best work party ever was in 2004, Federated Insurance. My wife worked there and it was the company’s 100th anniversary. The A**hole CEO rented out River Center in St. Paul, put on a full spread of fancy dinner, open bar, and lavish entertainment, culminating in a private performance by Kenny G. Dress was black-tie and formals, there was a dance band, Champagne, you name it. Whew! Every employee got a 1904 Morgan silver dollar to commemorate the anniversary.

    Can’t remember a worst work party. Certainly the rest pale in comparison to the Federated soiree.

    Chris in Owatonna

    **BSP** Last chance to score a signed copy of one my books for 2023. I’ll be at the Riverwalk Market Fair Winter market in Northfield Saturday from 9-1. Northfield News Builiding, 115 W. 5th Ave in Northfield. More than 30 other vendors will be there too. Lots of neat stuff to peruse if you’re looking for unique gifts for yourself or others.

    Merry Christmas to all.
    **END BSP**

    Liked by 4 people

    Reply

  7. Best “work” party I recall was when Husband did a weeklong computer seminar in St. Louis; spouses invited, took place on a riverboat, good food and drink, don’t remember many details, but it was just so lovely being out on the river like that.

    Liked by 3 people

    Reply

  8. As a state employee on the lower rungs of the state pay scale, I didn’t attend any holiday parties. This conversation is making me glad I didn’t, and I’m also really glad to be retired.

    Early in my time at Waterville Fish Hatchery, I suggested a holiday potluck. Everybody liked the idea. There were lots of game meats. I ate elk, caribou, venison, pheasant, duck, and walleye. I did this to be polite. I never eat red meat but I did there. I took one for the team – the team that never tried any vegetarian dish I made. I also baked cakes for their birthdays. Eventually they told me they didn’t want them and asked me to stop.

    There were team-building exercises though. We had an extremely dysfunctional team. The men didn’t get along with each other. One or two of them were ogres. I thought I had landed in hell (and I had). The supervisor was the worst ever – the only supervisor I ever knew who got fired. He didn’t like team building exercises any more than the rest of us. It all felt like mandatory torture in the name of trying to get us to work together.

    I’m not sure it’s always worth the effort.

    Liked by 3 people

    Reply

  9. Work parties, collaboration, teambuilding, forced fun. Have I mentioned recently how much I love being retired? I’ve never had anything as awful as some of the stories you guys are relating today, but really if it’s forced, can you really call it fun on any level?

    Liked by 4 people

    Reply

  10. I did get coerced into a teambuilding once out on a ropes course in Shakopee. I don’t know if it’s still there. You know the problem with most of the stuff on a ropes course? Not good for someone who’s afraid of heights.

    Liked by 4 people

    Reply

  11. Attended about 5 team building or culture building events, two were three days long. The three- dayers were not that exhausting, lots of variety. All were to some degree designed to change me and others. Not aimed at me, but it was about teaching us to work in certain ways, interact in certain ways.it was not bad or wrong, but we all, all 7 of us, felt like we were walking on eggshells for awhile. It ended up meaning the idiot got to dictate results, team and all that. Our boss saw that and went to her boss and the idiot was let go and we went back to the way we had been.

    Liked by 5 people

    Reply

  12. At the old boozy parties there were also intense pinochle games, as that is the preferred activity of traditional North Dakotans at holiday parties and family gatherings. My dad’s family played poker at family gatherings. I really dislike card games and never learned any, so I never had to play pinochle at work parties.

    Liked by 3 people

    Reply

        1. There are people who love charades and people who loathe and dread charades and the people who love charades don’t seem to understand how much some people, myself included, hate them.

          Like

        2. I’m wondering what about them it is that you hate? I’m guessing that acting silly is outside of your comfort zone, and perhaps that it pains you when you others acting silly? Just a wild guess. As creative as you are, I think you’d be really good at it if you could bring yourself to do it.

          Like

        3. While it’s true I don’t like being the center of attention, I don’t think of charades as silly, per se. I’m hopeless at charades—I don’t know any of the standard gestures people use and I’ve never had any incentive to learn. Fact is, I’m just not that interested in games of any kind. Many games people undertake are ones you can sit out if you choose. Charades is one where people expect you to participate. I just don’t enjoy it and I don’t like being coerced.

          Like

  13. Decades ago our unit had some very fun holiday parties. The doctors pitched in to help with cost. We rented a room at the St. Paul campus student center for the event. I don’t remember if the meal was catered or potluck. The entertainment was pretty good – a variety type show featuring many of the staff. We even got one of our neonatologists to sing “Love Potion #9”. The best skit was performing the original “We Are The World” – it involved about 15 staff members (RNs, Drs, Respiratory therapists, secretaries, etc) who dressed up like their real life counterparts. The intern who played Michael Jackson even moonwalked. I was at the piano. It was super fun! Unfortunately those parties only lasted a few years. We never had any “team building” exercises – not needed as we had a fantastic team top to bottom. These days we retirees (and a few still working) try to have a get together a couple times a year – potluck meal and lots of reminiscing.

    The worst party was a New Year’s gathering at the apartment I shared with three other women while in college. I didn’t know most of the people attending and didn’t even want to be there, but without a car I had nowhere else to go. There was smoking (legal and illegal) – the windows were cracked open to provide some fresh air but it was frigid outside. There was also a lot of drinking. Even before midnight, I had had enough so I moved all the coats from my shared bedroom to the other bedroom, closed the door, and went to sleep. The mess in the morning (especially in the kitchen) was unbelievable. To this day I don’t enjoy the New Year’s holiday and don’t celebrate it.

    Liked by 5 people

    Reply

  14. In all my years of employment, there might have been half a dozen workplace parties even offered. It just wasn’t something done often. Maybe the bosses were cheapskates. In any case, I’m skeptical that team spirit could be built with parties.

    Liked by 4 people

    Reply

    1. In my experience, Wes, parties and team building exercises were separate events. At the law firm, a party might include a sit-down dinner followed by choice of some fun activities and would often include spouses or significant others. at the school, we had some really fun casino nights, karaoke, and dance parties.. The CPA firms’ parties tended to be segregated by your job function, god forbid that the administrative folks should mingle with the professionals.

      Team building might be part of regular staff meetings or a week-end retreat at some conference center or resort.

      I suppose it depends on your line of work, and the culture of your workplace how these things play out. I think I have been lucky to have worked in some pretty successful and generous companies where employee morale was viewed as important.

      Liked by 3 people

      Reply

  15. I’ve somehow managed to have a good time at most of the company parties I’ve attended over the years, and I think team building exercises can be both fun and productive if everyone is onboard. All it takes is one recalcitrant member to screw things up, though, unless you have a really good facilitator.

    At the alternative school where I ended my career, we referred to our quarterly get-togethers as mandatory fun, and most of us managed to comply. But of course there were a few who predictably chafed at both the mandatory and the fun. We had some really excellent potluck lunches with authentic foods from the various cultures represented by our staff. One thing that rankled me was that most of the younger staff members would show no restraint when going through the food line. Oftentimes, those toward the end of the line would have very little to choose from. No matter how much you love Sophan’s mom’s egg rolls or Rosario’s tamales, you don’t take two or three when it’s obvious that there’s barely enough for everyone to get one. Or is that just an old fashioned Scandinavian notion?

    Liked by 3 people

    Reply

    1. My team did an escape room about five years ago for our holiday gathering. I think it’s because it was so contrived… I just didn’t enjoy it.

      Like

      Reply

    1. Looking back on it I’m thinking it was quite pointless. The people in my department did not work together. We did the same thing but we didn’t work as a team. We had other members of support groups on our teams, but never each other. So why did we need teambuilding in the first place?

      Liked by 1 person

      Reply

  18. I think my favorite holiday party was a dinner on the Zephyr, a train that used to run in the Stillwater/western Wisconsin area. Can’t remember exactly where we boarded, but the trip was just a few miles in one direction and then a few miles back. The train had several restored dining cars. We were a small company at the time, and I think only a couple of cars were necessary. I don’t recall what was served, but I believe there was snow, and possibly moonlight, and the scenery was very pretty.

    Liked by 3 people

    Reply

        1. Hans and I took that Zephyr ride on our anniversary one year. It began and ended at an old railway station on the northern outskirts of Stillwater. We were served a steak dinner, and following dinner, a play was performed by a troupe of roving actors. It was an enjoyable evening. We happened to be seated with another couple celebrating their first anniversary: the mayor of Stillwater and his wife.

          Like

Leave a reply to billinmpls Cancel reply