Metronome Police

I read with amusement and disgust the effort by the current president of Chechnya to regulate the speed of music in that country.

The only music that is allowed for singing, instrumental performance, or dance must be between 80-116 beats per minute. The president thinks those tempos correspond to the brains and culture of Chechnyans. Anything else is contrary to Chechnyan values and culture. To give you a sense of what is allowed, Imagine by John Lennon would be too slow, and Here Comes The Sun would be too fast.

Well, good luck enforcing this. I suppose that any orchestra could regulate the speed during performances of classical music. What a loss for the populace, though!

What are your favorite slow and fast music pieces? What laws do you think have been unenforceable?

13 thoughts on “Metronome Police”

  1. I have many favorite tunes
    First to mind is bachs cello concerto
    6 parts most of which would be to fast
    And eric satie gymnopedieswhich world be too slow.
    Many laws are power based and seek to force individuals to behave in a given fashion
    I am against those
    The others are ok

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  2. Too many favorite pieces to pick a one for fast or slow tempos. A few that come to mind:

    The last movement of Shostakovich’s 5th Symphony is incredible when played slowly. Eva Cassidy: “Over the Rainbow,” “Autumn Leaves.” ”Elsa’s Procession to the Cathedral” by Wagner can bring me to tears.

    Overture to “Candide” is lots of fun for a fast piece. Ella Fitzgerald singing “How High the Moon.” (Starts moderate, then shifts into overdrive.) Shostakovich’s “Festive Overture.”

    If I had a few hours I could think of a hundred more.

    Unenforceable laws?? Once again, if I had a few hours, I could think of a hundred. Adultery laws leap to mind. There are many laws that are only minimally enforced, which in my mind, renders them virtually unenforceable. Mainly drug laws, prostitution laws, tax laws–the odds of being audited by the IRS are something like 1%. And if you’re a small-potatoes earner/taxpayer, probably close to zero %. Speeding and jaywalking laws. Again, very small chance of being caught.

    One of my pet peeves is we have so many laws on the books that no one is even aware of and don’t affect many people that we can’t possibly know for sure if we’re breaking a law by doing something “out of the ordinary.” And most are selectively enforced too, which means we need to be careful about how what we do might affect someone who’s got some sort of problem with what we did.

    My solution: Get rid of all superflous, outdated laws, and beef up enforcement of the ones that make sense and are in the best interest of the general public. Fewer laws; better enforcement.

    Oh yes, and if I’m elected, pot in every chicken! (wait, what?) Or something like that. 😉

    Chris in Owatonna

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  3. Well, here goes!

    Laws to put XXXpresident Donny in jail are unenforceable because he has Absolute Pre-Presidential Immunity and Absolute Presidential Immunity and Absolute Post-Presidential Immunity.

    Sad.

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  4. Oh for gosh sakes… some people have too much time on their hands. I’m looking at you Chechnyan Pres.

    At our townboard we often discuss ordinances, which are easy to create and tough to enforce. Even the state of MN allowing marijuana. But not creating guidelines to enforce them.

    I need music with a beat. Mostly. The Kings Singers doing ‘You Are the New Day’. Man, I could listen to that over and over. And I do.

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  5. Sorry to be late to this party.

    Every year my brother calls me up on my birthday and, without greeting me, starts singing Happy Birthday to the tune of “Volga Boatmen,” very slowly. It just cracks me up.

    ”Happy Birthday…. Oof.

    Happy Birthday… Oof

    Misery and despair people dying everywhere.

    Happy Birthday… Oof”

    Liked by 1 person

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