YA is my hero.
Backstory. Two years ago, when we had the bathroom done, when it was time for our contractor to plaster in a few places, I convinced him to plaster a few spots in the upstairs hallway and the steps. YA and I agreed on the new color we wanted and then did… nothing. I look at this every day and hate it but not enough to actually do anything about it. We talk about it every couple of months, but no changes. And I certainly am not going to nag her about it when I’m not willing to put on my painting clothes. I’ve even thought about hiring a painter.
Last week she decided she was ready. We went to Home Depot and got a gallon of paint and a paintbrush and a roller and then she got to it. Did a little sanding, wiped down all the walls, tape and more tape and even more tape. She used up all the paint and sent me back to HD to get more. No problem. She asked me once if I wanted to paint. I declined.
We talked about it further; while she is working on this project, I’ve stepped up in other areas. Bringing up her laundry, doing all the dishes she leaves in the sink, not asking her to take out the recycling/trash. It’s a good allocation of chores, because I suck at painting. I’m too impatient and I’m genetically unable to paint without making a mess. YA has painted the whole hallway and halfway down the steps with her first gallon of paint. There is NO paint on the floor anywhere. And there has been NO paint on YA or her clothing. I’m not sure how she manages this. (I did a couple of cards using a stencil the day she was painting and I got blue ink on every single one of my finger tips.)
She says she is going to finish tomorrow since she has the day off. How did I get so lucky?
How do you allocate chores/work?
Trail Baboon 
Spouse chooses what she will do. I get the rest. So far, that’s been fine. She has laundry and financial stuff, I cook and move snow. I shovel the cat boxes at night, she has added a scoop out in the morning. So, the cats are happy, the clothes are clean, and we eat a variety of stuff across the main food groups.
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Who does the dishes?
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Long ago, we established the “Biblical” pattern of “she eats and wipes her mouth and says, “I have done no wrong.”
I’m usually the dish guy.
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The balance of chores in our house used to be pretty even, till Husband’s stroke in 2021… I did a lot of the inside stuff, Husband had the car, garage, and garden; there was some overlap, of course. We both shoveled snow…
Now I do the bulk of the chores, and Husband helps – makes one of our meals many days – cereal, or heating up a can of soup. He makes his bed, sometimes helps with the dishes. He will help chop veggies when asked – in fact, he can do a lot of things when asked, but I have to ask, so it’s still “mine.” We share the shoveling.
Some of this is my fault – I could ask more often for help, but it’s often faster if I just do it. I’ve discovered I’m not a terrific housekeeper.
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p.s. We do split the parakeet chores – I “wake her up”, remove the cage cover, etc. He puts her to sleep, and feeds her.
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Sandra and I tend to do “chores” we either don’t mind doing or are good at. I mostly cook, take care of the lawn/shovel snow, handle the finances, maintain the cars, do the literal heavy lifting, and plan vacations.
She cleans the house, does dishes, cooks on occasion, feeds the cat and handles the litter box (! Thought I’d have to do at least some of that.), does the laundry.
We don’t “keep score” of who spends more time or effort on our total tasks. It just evolved organically over the years. Bottom line: we do what needs to be done. 🙂
Chris in Owatonna (actually in Hovland, MN this week on a little ski vacay. 🙂 Gorgeous up her on the lakeshore!)
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We don’t allocate. We just do what needs to be done. I’m the main cook, though the only meal we eat together is dinner. Otherwise we fend for ourselves when we happen to be hungry. Being the primary cook also entails keeping track of our stock of ingredients and replenishing them when that’s called for. We haven’t had a dishwasher for 20 years. We sometimes quibble about who will do the dishes but that conversation is always Robin insisting she will do them and me assuring her that I don’t mind. I have stronger feelings, I think, about not leaving them until later.
I have eyes. I can see when we have a load of laundry to wash, or when the bathroom needs a thorough cleaning or the floor needs a good sweep. It’s no big deal to just take care of it. I’m retired, after all. Robin tends to do more vacuuming, mopping and dusting than I do.
I do all the mowing and snow shoveling. We garden together.
I do all the home maintenance stuff but if we were to paint a room we would do it together.
Robin keeps all the financial records in order and prepares for the tax accountant. I keep track of our monthly bills and the credit card.
I am remiss when it comes to communicating and maintaining social connections and niceties, relying on Robin too much in that regard.
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I do laundry, dust, vacuum, and take care of anything that needs fixing. We both fold laundry and cook. Husband fills the bird feeders and removes snow. I also do the financial stuff.
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This group has a pretty good handle on things. You just do what needs done.
Us too. My day job is usually more relaxed and more flexible until it’s not. We kind of both just do what needs to be done. We are aware that my acceptable level of cleanliness for the bathroom is much lower than Kelly’s. It’s gotta get pretty bad before I realize something should be done. Except vacuuming in the entryway and mudroom. Those floors are constantly dirty and get vacuumed a couple times a week.
Daughter is very good at taking care of herself. She takes out garbage, she cooks her own meals, she does her own laundry.
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You have done a good job with her!
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Rise and Sweep That Floor, Baboons,
After reading Barb’s entry, I can echo her situation and sentiments. After husband became ill, the division of labor changed. Because I have health aides that come into the house 4 days a week, now they (there are two regular people) do a lot around here. I no longer have a cleaning person. Either the aides or I do the cleaning. And yes I still dislike cleaning. Many of the things husband did outside, I hire someone else to do. This is especially true of snow removal. I miss husband’s ability to repair things. I do the cooking and finances. I have most of our taxes done. Now I will detach from that for a few days, then check my work with fresh eyes, since I am generally error-prone.
Re: cooking, I still use my old work formula–make a big pot of soup once a week, and a big hot dish weekly, then cook other meals once or twice a week. So this week is was beef barley soup and taco casserole, then I made fried rice one night and salmon linguine another night. This reduces actual cooking to about 4 binges per week then a lot of reheating.
Our kitchen floor was redone yesterday and the work all got done. I kept the puppy out of the work area and Jimmy, husband’s aide kept him busy all day and out of the action.
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I may adopt your cooking timeline – I do an unplanned version of that, but if I planned it ahead, might reduce anxiety.
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When I make the hot dish I also freeze a two person portion for when I don’t feel like or have time for cooking.
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I was just vacuuming trying to decide the devision of chores. That other person just isn’t doing anything at all.
Truth is I cannot keep up with keeping this small but too large apartment clean. Once I am done with getting rides, I will see what I can do about help with cleaning.
Clyde
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Yes, you might qualify for having an aide come in once or twice a week, Clyde, like our friend W did years ago.
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I make the beds, since Husband says I make beds into works of art.
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He has difficulty seeing the bedding needs to be straight and even on the sides of the bed, not just at the head of the bed. Oh gosh! I am sounding Dutch, aren’t I!
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Well, we know to get up and do what needs to be done, and are, no doubt, powered mostly by Powdermilk Biscuits.
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OT
I love the figure skating at the Milan Olympics.
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I bought my first house at age 20 and I was the chief cooking bottle washer in charge of cleaning maintenance and the whole shooting match today. I rent and get to call if something needs to be repaired.. we just got a note today from somebody saying that there’s a class action lawsuit against our landlord who happens to be the largest landlord in the country and it is suing him for not paying me to mow the lawn shovel the driveway, and do other maintenance that he should have been doing during all the time we’ve been living here. My wife said no we do that. They don’t do it. I said that’s the point of the lawsuit, we’re paying a lot of rent and they’re supposed to be responsible for maintenance and upkeep and so we will get paid if we qualify. Wouldn’t that be wonderful to get paid for eight years of lawn mowing snow shoveling and general maintenance… At our house my wife is a cleaning maniac and probably shampoos the carpet once a week in various parts of the house on a rotation, we were laughing as winter thought happened the other day and we were recalling how the dogs used to come in, and there were a stack of towels to wipe their feet off when they came in from the muddy yard today. We’re down to one old dog who goes out makes one loop around the barbecue grill and comes back in after doing her business I get up early in the morning go out and deliver and get home late at night and I’m fairly useless for chores if there’s something that needs to be done above and beyond organizing and cleaning, I will figure out how to get it into the schedule but for the most part I show up. I have a cup of tea go to bed get up in the morning take a bath and leave. I’m not sure whether Debbie likes having the place to herself all the time, but I get the impression that she does. We’ll see how that works out. If I can get my schedule under control I still do a lot of cooking, but she doesn’t eat a lot of my cooking. I just cook it for myself freeze it and eat it in portions as I go. I encourage her to do something more than cheese and crackers for dinner and lately. She’s been whipping up soup And small casseroles. I offered to do it, but she has her own taste and doesn’t like all the funny stuff I throw into the pan.
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In a perfect world I’d have a ton of money to hire somebody that I would allocate stuff to.
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I just do it all. Dogs aren’t good helpers.
VS, we have exactly the same painting style. I painted the bedroom at my former house once. I had paint on the popcorn ceiling, in the carpet, all over the trim, all over me, and in my hair. Pippin even had some blue fur for a while. With that in mind, I hired a painter for the three rooms that needed it before I moved in here.
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Me too – and Husband has nary a speck on him…
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https://shortstoryproject.com/stories/rope/
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