Today Husband and I are going to the local travel agent to have her make airplane reservations for a late September trip to Denver. Husband’s siblings decided that we all needed to get together in Denver for their stepmother’s 90th birthday. It is a straight flight from Sioux Falls to Denver with no layovers. The travel agent is a high school classmate of mine.
I am the person in our family who goes on-line and makes all the reservations, books hotels, plans things, makes arrangements, etc. I look forward to the Denver gathering, but I found myself strangely reluctant to make the plane reservations, and I put it off all week. On Friday I finally forced myself to go to the United website to book the flights and found it impossible to navigate. I told Husband that we were going through the travel agent instead. I felt immediate relief. Husband agreed. He doesn’t want the stress, either.
It dawned on me that I am tired of being brave. I have been a “do it myself” sort of person all my life, and I think I am done. I don’t want the anxiety that goes with independently spending large amounts of money on difficult to navigate websites. I spent almost 40 years dealing with other people’s crises in my professional work, managing suicidal and homicidal people, testifying in court as an expert witness, managing our move here, and generally dealing with and solving problems and finding solutions. I finally convinced myself that it is ok to let other people do the work. I am embracing my inner coward and relaxing!
Is it easy or hard for you to accept help from others? When have you had to be brave?
Trail Baboon 
I am very resistant to asking for/ getting help. I’ve twice (at least) been forced to accept help through finding myself with no option.
I should learn.
LikeLiked by 3 people
In my old age, I like to try to be helpful. One thing I do is answer questions in the “College and University Admissions” course at Khan Academy. A response that I often give to nervous young adolescents who want to know if they can do “this or that” is to choose the school to which they plan to apply, find the phone number of the admissions office there, make a call, and ask. It seems to me that what the young questioner wants to do is to ask a specific question in a general forum, where he or she won’t be embarrassed, rather than to get a quick and direct answer from someone who actually knows.
LikeLiked by 6 people
Today, August 10, is World Lion Day.
I avoid situations requiring courage.
But this muskrat will guard his musk.
I am reluctant to ask for help. AAA
gets me out of auto situations.
LikeLiked by 4 people
Boy, I can resonate with this post, Renee – I like to think of myself as a Can Do person, and way too often that’s how I act. But this line “found it impossible to navigate” mirrors why I now more often than not ask for help, find an alternative to doing things online.
I remember at one job, having to confront a co-worker about a behavior issue. That still sticks in my mind as one of my bravest acts… telling people something they don’t want to hear is very hard for me.
I am lucky that our senior center has people I can call on for help with techy things like the annual health Insurance options, etc.
LikeLiked by 1 person
I’ve lived alone for most of my life, and I’ve been a homeowner since 1993. I’ve learned to be very self-sufficient. I won’t tackle things I know are beyond my abilities, though. For example, I won’t tackle carpentry, plumbing or electrical tasks, like the outlet out on the patio that no longer works.
I managed to do quite a bit of the planning for our trip to Ireland a couple years ago. I bought the flight tickets for all four of us, and tried to figure out seating for the flight to Boston, to Dublin, then the return flight back to Boston, then MSP. The Delta website drove me mad. I don’t know how many times I tried to get the seating assigned. It came up as part of the ticket purchase, but every time I went back to check it, it showed our seats as being available. I did it over and over again, and I finally had to call them to make sure our seats were assigned. We were all over the place on the plane. Some wanted windows, some wanted aisles. It was hard to get us all in the same area. I also booked an AirBnB house in Northern Ireland. So I felt like I did a lot of the organization for the trip.
I’m not afraid to ask for help if I need it. I’d rather do it myself if I can, though.
LikeLiked by 5 people
We are all set for Denver! It was a breeze to get done. We are both relieved.
LikeLiked by 4 people
Delegation is a sign of letting go. Good job.
The trouble with asking for help is people don’t do it like we want them to do it. And that’s why I do it myself!
Good help is hard to find…
LikeLiked by 4 people
I have lived alone for about 50 years, so like Krista I have become very self sufficient. And I also don’t tackle electric, plumbing, or carpentry issues. I am reluctant to ask for help (stubborn Swede). But with my medical issues this summer I have had to rely on assistance. My family has been a huge help in dealing with financial issues, canceling two international trips (I should be in Korea right now on a choir tour), and getting moved into assisted living. I will still need some assistance as I work with PT to regain strength and stamina. And since I’m not allowed to drive yet, I have to rely on family and friends to get to appointments or other necessary trips such as the bank or grocery shopping. I don’t like that but have no choice at this point.
LikeLiked by 7 people
Up until a few years ago, I was one of the “helpers.” I’d drive friends to doctor’s appointments, do grocery shopping for them, cook and serve meals for them, and in general make myself useful if I could see they needed help with something. That’s a very easy and natural thing for me to do. Babysitting and dogsitting, or driving a friend’s kid to school while they were attending a conference somewhere, also no problem. When you’re offering that kind of assistance, you’re operating from a place of strength, love and generosity.
As I’ve become more and more dependent on the kindness and generosity of others I’m discovering just how uncomfortable it is for me to be on the receiving end of help. I know this is common, unfortunately that doesn’t make it any easier. I have to be pretty desperate to ask for help, and that makes me feel pretty vulnerable.
LikeLiked by 5 people
We must have this.
LikeLiked by 4 people
Finally I Have a Minute!
Overall, I find it difficult to accept help. However, I also was a professional caregiver/helper as a career, and long ago I decided that I needed to know what it was like to accept help. It feels vulnerable. No wonder clients did not want help until there was no other choice.
Two and a half years ago, when husband was diagnosed with LBD (Lewy Body Dementia) I decided to accept most help that was offered. Several people in his life offered it without being asked. HIs cousin, my sister’s husband, a number of friends. They do all kinds of things. One couple who loves musical performances join us for such events or take him. A friend picks him up for a men’s group. His cousin and our brother-in-law offered respite care. He is a beloved man.
You can buy respite care. It is very expensive, but necessary. But for now his cousin, our Brother-in-law and my son will provide respite while I go to Northern Ireland soon. What can I say, except Thank You! And then I buy them gift cards to Menards or a restaurant. His cousin even synchronized his dates with his son’s political campaign so his son has a different driver for those dates.
Without breaks, I would lose my mind doing this.
So, although I find it hard to do it, I accept this help.
LikeLiked by 3 people
OT
Sadly, Jackie, the female Big Bear Valley eagle has died.
LikeLiked by 1 person
LikeLiked by 3 people
Sniff.
LikeLike
I took a class to learn how to change the oil in my car in the late 70’s. The car was a big Olds Cutlass Supreme. I learned how to jack it up, but when I slid underneath and tried to loosen the oil plug, I couldn’t budge it. Had to have help from the instructor. I also struggled with the filter wrench and had to have help with that. I decided car mechanic skills just weren’t in my future.
Being underneath the car was a bit scary. I was intimidated by how very large and rusty it was.
LikeLiked by 3 people
For decades, I changed my own oil. At one point, I bought two metal ramps that I could drive the car up on so I’d have a little more space and I knew all of the places that I could take the oil when I was done with it. Luckily Valvoline was very accommodating down the street. Anyway, the last 12 years with this new car (funny that I think of Brekke as a new car, even at the age of 12) and synthetic oil I have not been willing to do that on my own. So a few years ago, I gave away the ramps on the boulevard and have been taking the car down to Fixt Rite ever since.
LikeLiked by 1 person
This is a lot to unpack, so I’m going to try to be succinct. Looking back over my life I do realize that I was brave, especially in the go to China. Bring home a daughter and race her on my own page. I’m not as good about asking for help as I should be, but when it is offered, I take it in a snap.
And letting go is actually easier for me than most people probably think. I was well
-schooled by my mother who said to me once when I was in junior high (when my dad was trying to do something around the house, which was very unusual) “if he wants to do it, let him do it however he does it“. I’ve always remembered that.
I’m great at jumping in and taking charge if nobody else will, but if anybody else wants to do it, I let them. It was very, very relaxing to let YA be in charge of our Columbus trip. She can be in charge of the next trip too!
LikeLiked by 2 people