Category Archives: Fantasy

Avocado Tumble

Sitcoms have never been my favorite form of entertainment.  A few exceptions over the years, but for the most part they seem silly and overblown to me.  Truly, what person on the planet would actually do this:

Then every now and then…

I was meeting a friend at Whole Foods for lunch (they have a great salad bar and hot bar along with tables and chairs, so it’s a great place for two folks with food restrictions to have a fun meal together).  My friend texted me that she was running about five minutes late so I decided to hang out in the produce section near the front door while I waited. 

And then it happened.  A woman took a corner a little too tightly with her cart and rammed into the lovingly stacked display of avocados. They didn’t all come tumbling down (like they would have on tv) but it was still a waterfall of green as them fell.  She was mortified and sank to her knees, trying to corral the wayward fruits.  Three Whole Foods employees appeared out of nowhere and they had the avocados re-stacked in less than a minute.  It was very impressive.  The photo above is after everything was back in order. 

Although I never video tape anything, I did have a small wish that I could have gotten the fall and the re-assembly on film. 

Maybe I should give sit-coms more leeway!

If we were casting for sitcom roles today, who would you like to be cast as?

Warm Floors

At the sibling gathering (while I was visiting Nonny in St. Louis earlier this month), someone must have mentioned something about heated floors.  I made a note on my post-it note app, assuming (ha ha ha ha) that the words “heated floor” would trigger my memory for what I thought might be a blog piece.  Again, ha ha ha ha.

About 25 years ago, I had a site inspection scheduled to San Francisco and Napa.  The morning of the trip, the client called to cancel due to his wife’s illness but he told me to go ahead, see what I needed to see and take good notes and pictures.  No problem on my part.

The plan for the group was to do a day of wineries and a lovely lunch.  However the group was too big to be at any one winery at once (most of the Napa wineries are actually pretty small) so we needed to split up the group.  Group A and Group B went to different wineries in the morning, had lunch together at a place that could hold them all and then the groups would flip and do the wineries for the afternoon.  Easy peasy, right? 

In one long day, I visited 11 wineries to find the four that would work well for the group.  Each owner met me, toured me around and… offered me samples.  There didn’t feel like a gracious way to turn down the wine.  Even though I never finished an entire glass, by the end of the day, I was a bit tipsy.  Add to that the weather was chillier than had been forecasted and my coat was not up to the job.  By the time we got to the hotel, Meadowood Resort, all I wanted was to have a bit of room service and collapse in a warm bed.  

With all that liquid refreshment, I ended up having to visit the bathroom in the middle of the night.  It was chilly as I walked across the bedroom and then…. oh my stars… the bathroom floor was warm.  The first and last time I’ve personally ever come across heated floor tiles.  And of all the times I could truly appreciate them, there they were!  When I finally left and headed back to bed, I slept like a baby.

If this wasn’t what I was thinking about when somebody at the sibling gathering mentioned heated floors, then I’m completely in the dark.

If money weren’t an issue, what home improvement would you like to make?

Hello – My Name is Inigo Montoya

Right before Christmas I discovered that there were two Princess Bride cookbooks.  Who knew?  You all know me well enough to know that I couldn’t stay away from this.  The first one came to the library yesterday… I was outside the library door when they opened.

It’s a fabulous book… lots and lots of glossy stills from the movie and a lot of chat about the filming, in front of and behind the camera.  Even without the recipes it’s a fun read.

The recipes themselves are nothing out of the ordinary but the NAMES of the recipes are a hoot.  Here are a few:

  • Hash You Wish
  • Buttercup Buttermilk Scones
  • Chips of Insanity
  • Mostly Dead
  • Bonetti’s Defense
  • Anybody Want a Peanut
  • Bread Pirate Roberts

Normally I like to make one or two recipes from a cookbook like this… just for fun.  I’m thinking the Bread Pirate Roberts and the Chips of Insanity are on my list.

Maybe we should have a Princess Bride theme party.  The Lightning Sand pudding cookie cups look fun too!

Have you ever been to a fun theme party?

Where in the World is YA?

The photos above were taken from YA’s hotel room in Banff. 

It’s still a little bizarre that YA now works in the same travel division as I did for 33 years, albeit in a different department.  She designs website and mobile apps for group travel; when a client purchases a mobile app, she accompanies the group to provide onsite support for the app.  She seems to enjoy it.

I know people who have retired from the industry and many of them have really missed the travel.  I would even call it grieving in a couple of cases.  I wondered if I would feel the same, but I have not.  I’ve always felt extraordinarily lucky to have had my job and visited so many fabulous places; I even fantasized about making a life in many of those places.  My favorite destination was almost always the last place I’d visited. 

Banff is a gorgeous place and I’ve been there twice, both at this time of year, when there is snow and the air is clear and brisk.  Seeing YA’s photos did give me a momentary pang but it was replaced with a great feeling of gratitude that she is getting to have some of these experiences – experiences that certainly enriched my life.

Any place you think would be nice to visit in January?

It’s a Hobby

When YA was seven, she wanted to be a “horse girl” for Halloween.  Took me a bit by surprise because she hadn’t shown any particular horsey interest up to that point.  We had fun putting the costume together.  Nonny bought the cowboy boots, I got her a hat and a stick horse.  The jeans and shirt she already had.  I still have that stick horse in a corner of my bedroom.

Imagine my surprise last week (while I was wasting time on my phone while Nonny did her morning exercises) when I stumbled on a website for Hobby Horse Championships.

This is a real thing.  It’s called “hobby horsing” and if you look it up on Wikipedia there is a note at the top, in italics, that says “Not to be confused with Hobby Horse polo”.  That made me snort coffee up my nose.  HHing was apparently born in Finland and started to make waves in 2017.  Most participants are young girls, between the age of 12-18.  Classic horse-loving demographic.  These days there are quite a few national competitions (most in Europe) and the largest gathering of 2024 was at the end of August in Finland.  The United States’ games were the beginning of August.

I doubt YA will be interested in this; her infatuation with horses ended after a couple of summer horse camps when she was in Girl Scouts.  But you never know.

YA’s stick horse needs a name.  What do you think?

Our Holiday Movie

All autumn I was dreading “the Christmas movie”. On Christmas morning, YA and I have almost always opened stockings and then gone to the movies. We did skip a couple of years due to COVID and one year we just couldn’t find anything at theatres that we liked so we streamed a movie and watched it from the comfort of the sofa.

I knew from YA comments that she wanted to see Wicked. And you all know from my rant last summer that I was not that interested. The thought of seeing a 2½ hour movie (that is just Part I) of a musical that I’m not crazy about just didn’t seem like a fun way to spend a morning, much less a holiday morning. So when I saw a poster at Southdale for Red One, I thought we might find a compromise.

Two weeks before Christmas we went to see Wicked at the Riverview. I always like the Riverview, even if I’m not that wild about what’s showing and that’s exactly how it turned out. We had a nice enough time, I didn’t have to close my eyes over anything gory. Since I’ve gone on and on about Wicked already, I won’t get into it here – suffice it to say it was a good decision not to see this as our Christmas Day movie.

Red One turned out to be at the end of it’s run before Christmas Day (how does this make sense that a Christmas movie stops showing a couple of days before Christmas?) so we decided to see our holiday movie on Solstice this year.

The movie lived up to my expectations. Dwayne Johnson and Chris Evans are the main stars. Johnson can’t act his way out of a paper bag but his charm is that he knows this and doesn’t try. A bit refreshing actually. I only know Chris Evans as Captain America, but he gave a creditable performance as the guy who gets transformed by Christmas spirit.

It’s almost impossible to do spoilers for a movie like this… if you don’t know where it’s going, then you’ve never seen a Christmas movie. Here are a few things I thought were particularly fun:

  • • The reindeer are all female.
    • Johnson is the commander of E.L.F., the groups that “guards” Santa. He explains this to Evans at one point saying that as far as Evans is concerned, it stands for Extremely Large and Formidable.
    • Toy stores are the portals to the North Pole transit system, which reaches all over the world.
    • Santa is a smallish, muscular guy who works out a lot and loves cookies, except for macaroons.
  • And, of course, there is a massive polar bear named Garcia on the E.L.F. team.

By the time we got home from the theatre, YA had discovered that Red One is already out on Prime Video. I’ve watched it twice more since then!

Do you have a favorite holiday movie?

Steve’s Dragons

It’s been three years since we lost our Steve.  This is one of his posts from back in the day.  Feel free to answer Steve’s original question, share a Steve memory or just ruminate on whatever you want.

A friend and I used to discuss troublesome issues in our lives. We called them our “dragons.” Dragons are problems can only be dispatched with exceptional effort and resolve.

Few problems qualify as dragons, which is good. Most of us handle routine problems with routine efficiency.  Alas, some problems are a lot nastier or complicated than others.  Some of us have anxieties that prevent us from addressing certain issues forthrightly. Sometimes problems become entangled with side issues. Throw some procrastination into the mix, and what could have been a baby problem might grow up and begin belching enough fire to qualify as a dragon.

Examples? You don’t gain street cred as a dragon killer for beating a head cold, but beating cancer will earn you respect with anyone. Overcoming any addiction would surely count. The friend referenced in my opening paragraph slew a dangerous dragon when she escaped a marriage that was destroying her soul. From what I’ve read, the nastiest dragon Barack Obama faced down in his two terms as president might have been nicotine.

My most recent dragon should have been no big deal. Last September my computer emitted an electronic scream, seized and died. I had expected that. Computers typically remain healthy and functional for five to ten years. My fifteen-year-old computer was clearly living on borrowed time. I had prepared by backing my data files, although I could not back my applications.

I bought a replacement computer loaded with Microsoft’s Office, a choice forced on me because that is the only way I could get Word, the word processing app I’ve used for thirty-four years. Office costs $70. That is probably reasonable, although it irked me to pay for a suite of ten programs just to get the one program I use. But Microsoft enjoys something like a total monopoly on basic Windows business software.

Microsoft inserts a feature in the Office software that causes it to shut down unless users can prove that they have paid for it. To validate my purchase, I peeled back a piece of tape that covered the confirmation code. The tape ripped the cardboard beneath it, destroying the middle six numbers of a code of about twenty numbers. As it was designed to do, my software soon froze rock solid. I could not create new documents nor could I edit the many files already on my hard drive. Every time I turned on my computer, a niggling message from Microsoft reminded me I had not validated the purchase. As if I could forget!

Worse, there was no way I could contact Microsoft. The company recently eliminated its customer service office. Microsoft now directs customers with problems to some internet data banks that supposedly answer all questions. Of course, the data banks say nothing about what to do when the company’s own security tape destroys a validation number. I learned there are many businesses claiming they can help customers struggling with Microsoft apps. Those businesses didn’t want to talk to me until I shared my contact information or subscribed to their services. Then I’d learn again that my particular problem could not be resolved by anyone outside Microsoft. And nobody inside Microsoft would speak to me.

Over a span of seven months I spent many wretched hours dialing numbers and writing email pleas for help. The shop that sold the computer to me clucked sympathetically but told me to take my complaints to Microsoft. Members of a group called “the Microsoft community” kept telling me it would be easy to fix this issue, but none of them could provide a phone number that worked. While I could have purchased the software again for another $70, the rank injustice of that was more than I could bear.

I finally learned about a set of business applications called LibreOffice, the top-rated free alternative to Office. It is open source software, free to everyone. But people who put their faith in free software often get burned, for “free” often just means that the true price is hidden. I worried that this software would not allow me to edit all the documents I’ve created over thirty-four years of writing with Word. And—silly, silly me—I kept hoping I could find one friendly person in Microsoft who would thaw my frozen software. So I dithered for weeks.

Last week I took a deep breath and downloaded LibreOffice. It loaded like a dream. LibreOffice’s word processor, “Writer,” is friendly and intuitive. Ironically, I like it quite a bit better than Word. With it I can edit all my old Word documents, and I used the new software to write this post.

That particular dragon is dead, kaput and forever out of my life. Other dragons await my attention, malodorous tendrils of smoke curling up out their nostrils. I did not triumph over Microsoft, as that smug firm never even knew it had a conflict with me. Still, I celebrate the way this all ended. When we slay a dragon, the most significant accomplishment might be that we, however briefly, have triumphed over our personal limitations.

Any dragons in your past that you wouldn’t mind mentioning?

Visitors

I had lunch yesterday with a few girlfriends.  Our conversations always range all over the place so one of my friends mentioning she had seen an article about aliens wasn’t too weird.  She couldn’t find the article online (on her phone) but that didn’t stop the rest of us from glomming on. Another friend said she’d seen a theory that aliens are already here.

I suggested that if there were actually aliens here we would never know it.  Considering how far we have yet to go to even get ourselves to Mars, any aliens who have the considerable enough technology to get here would certainly have enough technology to go undetected by us. 

After a bit more silly discussion I asked WHY these aliens would be here among us.  Maybe we’re just an amusement part for these aliens. Another friend said the article claimed that the aliens were here to save us.  Another big WHY from me at that point.  Maybe we’re some alien high-school kids science project – kind of like an ant farm.

None of my friends actually believe in aliens, at least not little green men in mental saucers.  I fall into Carl Sagan’s camp when he says in his book Contact “The universe is a pretty big place. It’s bigger than anything anyone has ever dreamed of before. So if it’s just us… seems like an awful waste of space.”  Although if there were a way to bet that we would be done as a species before we made any contact from elsewhere in the universe, I’d take that bet.

Do you have a favorite alien book or movie?

What a Character!

One of my little next-door neighbors is turning six this week.  Since her mom will be out of town for a work trip on her actual birthday, Marie (name changed to protect the innocent) had her birthday party yesterday.

Apparently her first choice for a theme party was Ghost Spider.  I had no idea who this was – had to look it up – a Marvel friend of Spider Man.

One component of the party that had been promised was to be a visit from a real-life character.  Unfortunately there are no Ghost Spider impersonators in the Twin Cities.  Marie had a choice – Ghost Spider theme party with no real-life entertainment or a different theme. 

I got a text yesterday afternoon that said “if you want to see a princess coming up the walk, go to the window now”.  It was Tiana from Princess and the Frog.  I have to say, she was beautiful and the costume was quite luxurious.  (She also traveled with a “handler” which I thought was pretty funny.)  As she was going up the front steps to the house, you could see all the little girls crowded onto the porch, waiting to greet her.   Apparently, not only did she read to the girls, she also sang; Marie’s parents, who are both music teachers, reported afterwards that Tiana had a really nice voice.  Win win all around.

YA had quite a few theme birthdays growing up but we never had any live-action characters.  If we had, we would have had Barney, a pirate, a cat, a dog, a surfer dude, Pocahontas and a cupcake!  Thank goodness she’s past the stage where I have to keep up with the Jones’ now!

Did you ever have a theme birthday party as a kid?  If you didn’t, what would you have liked?

The Game is Afoot

I have a fair few number of favorite fictional characters but I know it won’t surprise anybody here that Sherlock Holmes and Hercule Poirot are tops in my book.   I have the movies Hound of the Baskervilles (Basil Rathbone and Nigel Bruce) as well as Murder on the Orient Express (Albert Finney) saved on my TV so it’s accurate to say I’ve seen them repeatedly.

Several years ago my BFF and I decided that for our birthdays we would do experiences together rather than do more “stuff”.  She does Cantus tickets for us and I do a play for us each fall.  I pick three options, write them up a bit and she chooses one.

This year, a production called Holmes/Poirot was finally scheduled at Park Square Theatre.  There had been discussion of it during the summer of 2023, but it never materialized.  When I presented BFF with the three choices this year, I had my fingers crossed that she would choose Holmes/Poirot.  Luckily she’s a sleuth fan as well.  We’ve done a couple of other Sherlock “knock-offs”s as well as doing the Science Museum exhibition a couple of years ago. 

The expectation was that the play would be a mash-up with the detectives pitted against each other, even though you’d have to mess with the time continuum to do this.  Considering I’ve read a book with Sherlock as a dog and another with a time traveling Miss Marple facsimile, I can handle a little time continuum disturbance.  When we sat down with our programs, it was clear that it was going to be two different stories…. Holmes in Act One and Poirot in Act Two.  The two main actors change roles for the second act.  Sherlock Holmes becomes Colonel Hastings and John Watson becomes Hercule Poirot.  The other seven actors switch up characters as well. 

During intermission BFF and I wondered aloud how long it would take us to re-orient ourselves to the actors changing parts.  We didn’t need to worry.  Within just a couple of minutes, we were all in.   It was an inspired juxtaposition; both actors were excellent and completely believable in their roles.  The second act was played for more comedy, which was perfect because…. well… Poirot.  It’s hard not to play him with a splash of silliness.

Absolutely no spoiler alerts here but suffice it to say that the writing was great and had BFF and I guessing to the end of each segment.  It was an immediate standing ovation.  I’m highly recommending this if you can stlll get tickets. 

Do you have a preferred detective?  Fictional or otherwise?