Category Archives: Fantasy

Steve’s Dragons

It’s been three years since we lost our Steve.  This is one of his posts from back in the day.  Feel free to answer Steve’s original question, share a Steve memory or just ruminate on whatever you want.

A friend and I used to discuss troublesome issues in our lives. We called them our “dragons.” Dragons are problems can only be dispatched with exceptional effort and resolve.

Few problems qualify as dragons, which is good. Most of us handle routine problems with routine efficiency.  Alas, some problems are a lot nastier or complicated than others.  Some of us have anxieties that prevent us from addressing certain issues forthrightly. Sometimes problems become entangled with side issues. Throw some procrastination into the mix, and what could have been a baby problem might grow up and begin belching enough fire to qualify as a dragon.

Examples? You don’t gain street cred as a dragon killer for beating a head cold, but beating cancer will earn you respect with anyone. Overcoming any addiction would surely count. The friend referenced in my opening paragraph slew a dangerous dragon when she escaped a marriage that was destroying her soul. From what I’ve read, the nastiest dragon Barack Obama faced down in his two terms as president might have been nicotine.

My most recent dragon should have been no big deal. Last September my computer emitted an electronic scream, seized and died. I had expected that. Computers typically remain healthy and functional for five to ten years. My fifteen-year-old computer was clearly living on borrowed time. I had prepared by backing my data files, although I could not back my applications.

I bought a replacement computer loaded with Microsoft’s Office, a choice forced on me because that is the only way I could get Word, the word processing app I’ve used for thirty-four years. Office costs $70. That is probably reasonable, although it irked me to pay for a suite of ten programs just to get the one program I use. But Microsoft enjoys something like a total monopoly on basic Windows business software.

Microsoft inserts a feature in the Office software that causes it to shut down unless users can prove that they have paid for it. To validate my purchase, I peeled back a piece of tape that covered the confirmation code. The tape ripped the cardboard beneath it, destroying the middle six numbers of a code of about twenty numbers. As it was designed to do, my software soon froze rock solid. I could not create new documents nor could I edit the many files already on my hard drive. Every time I turned on my computer, a niggling message from Microsoft reminded me I had not validated the purchase. As if I could forget!

Worse, there was no way I could contact Microsoft. The company recently eliminated its customer service office. Microsoft now directs customers with problems to some internet data banks that supposedly answer all questions. Of course, the data banks say nothing about what to do when the company’s own security tape destroys a validation number. I learned there are many businesses claiming they can help customers struggling with Microsoft apps. Those businesses didn’t want to talk to me until I shared my contact information or subscribed to their services. Then I’d learn again that my particular problem could not be resolved by anyone outside Microsoft. And nobody inside Microsoft would speak to me.

Over a span of seven months I spent many wretched hours dialing numbers and writing email pleas for help. The shop that sold the computer to me clucked sympathetically but told me to take my complaints to Microsoft. Members of a group called “the Microsoft community” kept telling me it would be easy to fix this issue, but none of them could provide a phone number that worked. While I could have purchased the software again for another $70, the rank injustice of that was more than I could bear.

I finally learned about a set of business applications called LibreOffice, the top-rated free alternative to Office. It is open source software, free to everyone. But people who put their faith in free software often get burned, for “free” often just means that the true price is hidden. I worried that this software would not allow me to edit all the documents I’ve created over thirty-four years of writing with Word. And—silly, silly me—I kept hoping I could find one friendly person in Microsoft who would thaw my frozen software. So I dithered for weeks.

Last week I took a deep breath and downloaded LibreOffice. It loaded like a dream. LibreOffice’s word processor, “Writer,” is friendly and intuitive. Ironically, I like it quite a bit better than Word. With it I can edit all my old Word documents, and I used the new software to write this post.

That particular dragon is dead, kaput and forever out of my life. Other dragons await my attention, malodorous tendrils of smoke curling up out their nostrils. I did not triumph over Microsoft, as that smug firm never even knew it had a conflict with me. Still, I celebrate the way this all ended. When we slay a dragon, the most significant accomplishment might be that we, however briefly, have triumphed over our personal limitations.

Any dragons in your past that you wouldn’t mind mentioning?

Visitors

I had lunch yesterday with a few girlfriends.  Our conversations always range all over the place so one of my friends mentioning she had seen an article about aliens wasn’t too weird.  She couldn’t find the article online (on her phone) but that didn’t stop the rest of us from glomming on. Another friend said she’d seen a theory that aliens are already here.

I suggested that if there were actually aliens here we would never know it.  Considering how far we have yet to go to even get ourselves to Mars, any aliens who have the considerable enough technology to get here would certainly have enough technology to go undetected by us. 

After a bit more silly discussion I asked WHY these aliens would be here among us.  Maybe we’re just an amusement part for these aliens. Another friend said the article claimed that the aliens were here to save us.  Another big WHY from me at that point.  Maybe we’re some alien high-school kids science project – kind of like an ant farm.

None of my friends actually believe in aliens, at least not little green men in mental saucers.  I fall into Carl Sagan’s camp when he says in his book Contact “The universe is a pretty big place. It’s bigger than anything anyone has ever dreamed of before. So if it’s just us… seems like an awful waste of space.”  Although if there were a way to bet that we would be done as a species before we made any contact from elsewhere in the universe, I’d take that bet.

Do you have a favorite alien book or movie?

What a Character!

One of my little next-door neighbors is turning six this week.  Since her mom will be out of town for a work trip on her actual birthday, Marie (name changed to protect the innocent) had her birthday party yesterday.

Apparently her first choice for a theme party was Ghost Spider.  I had no idea who this was – had to look it up – a Marvel friend of Spider Man.

One component of the party that had been promised was to be a visit from a real-life character.  Unfortunately there are no Ghost Spider impersonators in the Twin Cities.  Marie had a choice – Ghost Spider theme party with no real-life entertainment or a different theme. 

I got a text yesterday afternoon that said “if you want to see a princess coming up the walk, go to the window now”.  It was Tiana from Princess and the Frog.  I have to say, she was beautiful and the costume was quite luxurious.  (She also traveled with a “handler” which I thought was pretty funny.)  As she was going up the front steps to the house, you could see all the little girls crowded onto the porch, waiting to greet her.   Apparently, not only did she read to the girls, she also sang; Marie’s parents, who are both music teachers, reported afterwards that Tiana had a really nice voice.  Win win all around.

YA had quite a few theme birthdays growing up but we never had any live-action characters.  If we had, we would have had Barney, a pirate, a cat, a dog, a surfer dude, Pocahontas and a cupcake!  Thank goodness she’s past the stage where I have to keep up with the Jones’ now!

Did you ever have a theme birthday party as a kid?  If you didn’t, what would you have liked?

The Game is Afoot

I have a fair few number of favorite fictional characters but I know it won’t surprise anybody here that Sherlock Holmes and Hercule Poirot are tops in my book.   I have the movies Hound of the Baskervilles (Basil Rathbone and Nigel Bruce) as well as Murder on the Orient Express (Albert Finney) saved on my TV so it’s accurate to say I’ve seen them repeatedly.

Several years ago my BFF and I decided that for our birthdays we would do experiences together rather than do more “stuff”.  She does Cantus tickets for us and I do a play for us each fall.  I pick three options, write them up a bit and she chooses one.

This year, a production called Holmes/Poirot was finally scheduled at Park Square Theatre.  There had been discussion of it during the summer of 2023, but it never materialized.  When I presented BFF with the three choices this year, I had my fingers crossed that she would choose Holmes/Poirot.  Luckily she’s a sleuth fan as well.  We’ve done a couple of other Sherlock “knock-offs”s as well as doing the Science Museum exhibition a couple of years ago. 

The expectation was that the play would be a mash-up with the detectives pitted against each other, even though you’d have to mess with the time continuum to do this.  Considering I’ve read a book with Sherlock as a dog and another with a time traveling Miss Marple facsimile, I can handle a little time continuum disturbance.  When we sat down with our programs, it was clear that it was going to be two different stories…. Holmes in Act One and Poirot in Act Two.  The two main actors change roles for the second act.  Sherlock Holmes becomes Colonel Hastings and John Watson becomes Hercule Poirot.  The other seven actors switch up characters as well. 

During intermission BFF and I wondered aloud how long it would take us to re-orient ourselves to the actors changing parts.  We didn’t need to worry.  Within just a couple of minutes, we were all in.   It was an inspired juxtaposition; both actors were excellent and completely believable in their roles.  The second act was played for more comedy, which was perfect because…. well… Poirot.  It’s hard not to play him with a splash of silliness.

Absolutely no spoiler alerts here but suffice it to say that the writing was great and had BFF and I guessing to the end of each segment.  It was an immediate standing ovation.  I’m highly recommending this if you can stlll get tickets. 

Do you have a preferred detective?  Fictional or otherwise?

Do Your Part

I see that the Badlands Opera Project, our local opera company, is putting on Amahl and the Night Visitors again this December. They staged it last year, with our church choir director and her 12 year old daughter as Amahl’s mother and Amahl. Both have wonderful voices. This year’s production will have a different Amahl and mother, this time a mom and son duo.

All the singers are local, except for the guy who sings the part of the tallest King with the deepest voice. He sings that part and other low, cameo roles such as Zarastro from The Magic Flute, all over the county. I am not sure where he is from, but he isn’t from ND. Imagine having a specialty voice like that. He’ll be back for this year’s production. I guess he really liked singing with our local company.

If I could magically have a voice other than the low alto voice I have, I would want to be a belter like Patti Lupone in Anything Goes. Of course I would also have to be able to dance, which would be a problem, I’m afraid. Oh well, I suppose I could magically make myself a dancer, too.

If you could magically get an operatc or musical theater voice, what roles would you want to perform?

Wicked. Really?

I’ve said before that I’d love to have been in the room when someone first proposed the Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles.  My guess is that everybody in the room dismissed the idea; the one who didn’t laughed all the way to the bank.

It’s fascinating to me how certain decisions get made and the decisions that Hollywood makes are the most mysterious.  You all know that I often get worked up by the changes that Hollywood makes to good books.  Shining Through by Susan Isaacs, Dune by Frank Herbert, Jurassic Park by Michael Crichton.  And I’m sure I’ve ranted before about The Hunchback of Notre Dame made into a Disney musical for kids.  Truly that meeting would have been legend.  “Let’s take a long, bleak historical novel in which every single major character is dead by the last page, add some peppy songs and make a happy ending for everybody.” 

So why am I ranting again?  A couple of weeks ago I saw a commercial for Wicked, a movie coming out this winter.  I had never actually read Wicked by Gregory Maguire but I knew it was quite long so assumed there were some differences between the book and the musical (which I HAVE actually seen). You all know me well enough to know what came next; I went and got the book from the library.

What a shock.  Without really giving anything away, here are the only similarities between the novel and the musical.  There is a green gal.  She goes to school, meets someone who becomes a friend and is taught by a speaking animal.  Some flying monkeys.  That’s about it… while some of the characters in the book show up in the musical, it’s in name only – they aren’t really the same as in the book.   The book is incredibly detailed and political although certainly not satire.  It is not even remotely light hearted and the ending is not happy at all; it’s a bit like Hunchback – a lot of bodies have piled up by the end.

Of course, the initial Wizard of Oz movie differed from the book but the jump from Wicked to the musical is such a leap that I’m still a little stunned, even a week after finishing the book.  Once again, I try to imagine the conversation that got the book transformed to a musical that is so different.  Somebody in that room must have laughed all the way to the bank.  And it wouldn’t have been me.

What’s the most incomprehensible movie you’ve ever seen?

AArrrggghhh

Photo credits:  MIT PE Department

If you thought that getting a degree from MIT was all work and no play, you’d be wrong.

Since 2011, if you complete Physical Ed classes in Archery, Fencing, Pistol (Air Pistol or Rifle) and Sailing, you are eligible for the MIT Pirate Certificate.  I am not making this up.                                                                                                                                   

From the MIT website:

“The MIT Pirate Certificate is only made available to MIT students and is an incentive for undergraduate students to complete their Physical Education & Wellness General Institute Requirement of 4 physical education & wellness courses. It is not a stand-alone certificate. Non-MIT courses and life experience are not counted towards completing the certificate. The MIT Pirate Certificate is for entertainment purposes only and does not give the recipient license to engage in piracy or any pirate activities.”

 I think raising a mug of rum to MIT would be appropriate on Talk Like a Pirate Day!

How do you make a pirate angry?

Monster Candy

Most mornings I try to squeeze in an online crossword puzzle.  My default is the Washington Post puzzles, partly because I already have a WAPO account and partly because there are options, depending on how much time I want to spend.  I’m not too much of a purist… if the puzzle is hard and it’s starting to take too long, the “show me my errors” button gets clicked.  If I make it all the way through without having to “cheat”, I like it, but not enough to struggle and struggle. 

Yesterday morning, early into the puzzle, I read the clue “Godzilla’s rival” for a five-letter word across.  Easy peasy – Rodin.  Then as I was circling back to do the down words, nothing was fitting with Rodin.  And when I got to “Tallinn’s Country” and “Estonia” didn’t fit, I knew something was wrong with my Rodin answer.  I sat for a few minutes thinking of the other monsters that Godzilla doesn’t like.  Gigan?  No.  Manda?  No.  Zilla?  No.  Mothra?  Too long.  Megalon?  Too long.  King Ghidorah?  Way too long.

The only hard/fast rule that I have for crosswords is not to click onto another tab on the internet and look up a word.  So I sat for a bit more, not coming up with any other five-letter Godzilla nemeses.  Then my eyes focused on the clue list and realized that I had mis-read it.  It wasn’t “Godzilla rival”, it was “Godiva rival”.   That was good a for an out-loud laugh – I startled the dog.

Sad but true, I didn’t get the correct answer until I had a couple more letters (Lindt).  What does it say about me that I know so many more of Godzilla’s enemies off the top of my head than I know worldwide famous chocolate companies? 

What is Godzilla’s favorite candy?  What’s YOUR favorite candy?

High as an Elephant’s Eye

I was glad to see how tall Ben’s corn is last week.  The summer has been good for me – after last summer’s blisteringly dry heat, I’m enjoying the slightly milder temps and the rain.  I haven’t even had to get the sprinklers out of the garage yet. 

And Iowa must be doing OK as well.  My next-door neighbors were gone for about 10 days – visiting the grandparents south of the border.  When they travel in the summer, I always water their outdoor plants; it’s easy as they just pull all the pots over to the fence and I can just apply the hose to them whenever I am watering my bales.

I’m happy to do it and I don’t think of it as an onerous chore (especially when it rains so much) so I was surprised when they came home with a bag full of corn for me as a thank you.  Straight off the farmstand corn and the pretty kind I like best – yellow and white. 

The only problem with 12 ears of fresh corn is when you are the only one home for over a week.  YA was away on a work program.  There was no way I was going to waste all that gorgeous corn so I rolled up my sleeves and dived in.

I saved two for just eating and de-kernelled (is that a word?) the rest.  Froze one bag then made a double batch of corn salsa (froze some), a lovely fresh kernel cornbread and then a fun garden veggie pizza with ricotta as sauce.  All done in three hours! 

So now I’ve processed cherries and corn this summer.  Wonder what else will come my way?

What kind of foodstuff would you like to have too much of?

Prince Among Men

My little friend next door, Minnie, loves to sing and dance.  For the past two summers she had done a summer camp at the Lundstrum Performing Arts Center; this year they presented Annie Jr (just a shorter version of Annie).  Considering that it is all untrained kids and that they get the whole thing together in two weeks, they did a great job.

This was all that Minnie talked about for two weeks.  In addition to previewing the song/dance that she was in, she regaled me with stories of how things were progressing and who was playing what part.  There were several kids who had been in Little Mermaid with her last year and although I did see the show last year, I couldn’t have told you any of the players except Minnie. 

Of course there was also the post-production discussion the day after the last performance.  I commented that the young man who played Rooster Hannigan did a nice job.  He also had a great dance solo dressed as a street Santa in the N.Y.C. song.  Minnie quickly pointed out that he had played Prince Eric in Little Mermaid.  When I said I hadn’t remembered that, she commented that he hadn’t had to do very much to be the prince.  Then she added, almost as an afterthought, that princes don’t usually have much to do. 

In her world, all her princesses and princes are represented by Disney.  As I thought about it the next few days, I realized that Disney has, for the most part, not spent too much energy on princes.  Snow White’s prince doesn’t have a name, Sleeping  Beauty’s prince does have a name (and a bit of backstory) but doesn’t have much personality.  Cinderella’s prince is also pretty non-descript.  Ariel’s prince is a little bland and definitely clueless.  Belle’s prince spends most of the movie as a beast and Tiana’s prince spends most of the movie as a frog.  Merida has three princes, all of whom are a bit… lacking.  A few princes fare a bit better in their Disney representation but clearly it’s all about the princesses. 

I’m not too worried about this unfair portrayal – I doubt that young girls and boys are too damaged by this uneven treatment.  But I also don’t believe that Barbie dolls are inherently evil either. 

If you were to be a Disney princess or prince (or villain if you prefer) for a week, who would you choose?