59 thoughts on “caution – brains at work”

  1. A few recurring thoughts:
    What should I plant in my bales this year.
    Will I be able to get the website up soon enough for my drop-in program?
    Garage door – can I fix it or can I afford a new one?
    Mud

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  2. Which elected official shall I call this week? Where can I get a good rain coat that won’t break the bank? How much do I still need to set aside to pay for this summer’s trip? Where is the Tweenager or where does she need to be? Why are there so many flights over my house between 6 and 6:30 lately (and who decided to change the flight paths causing there to be exponentially more flights over our house vs. when we bought it 15 years ago)? What should we have for breakfast this weekend when we are in Itasca?…

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  3. I think daily about my flight home…excited to hear chicadees…wondering if the ice will be off the lake & will I be greeted by the migrating duck and swan visitors….the red wing black bird’s song and the loons calling….
    I think about Kaffe Fika with my dear friends whom I’ve missed…

    I don’t want to think about our home going on the market and moving here permanently….but I have MPR and ‘trail baboon’ which always take me to Minnesota.

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  4. I’ve been binge watching “Madam Secretary” on Netflix and all the close up drama about world events, WMD’s, dirty bombs, Ebola, terrorism and all the casualties — big and small — that surround these events. The loss of things like truth, integrity, ethics and just basic human compassion on the world stage of politics is a sad thing, but I love the show.

    Other things I think about: I stopped dyeing my hair a couple years ago, and it’s getting to be mainly silver with some brown now. I hope I don’t look older. Buying new makeup that’s much more natural, but much more expensive — is it worth it? Yes, me thinks. Are my wrinkles getting worse? Vanity — oy …

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    1. My dad had CHF. Like many people he died “with” it, not because of it. As it progressed it limited what he could do, but not how much he enjoyed what he could do (neither CHF or dementia kept him from two favorite activities: playing the piano and enjoying his grandchildren.)

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      1. I could fill pages and pages with details. The basic fact is that three adults and a youngster are moving 2,440 miles. We each face a staggering number of choices. My son-in-law flies to Michigan next week, leaving my daughter alone to sell their home, sell her car, pack, choose movers, plan a strategy for moving, choose a school for Liam, buy a new house in Michigan (without being able to visit it), buy a new car and change everything in her life from banks accounts to health plans. If you take a hard look at all the big decisions to be made, it is overwhelming. But if you control your mood and simply deal with things one by one as rapidly as possible, it becomes workable.

        My role is simple. After seeing what my daughter must do, I’ve defined my role as being all about simplifying things. For example, I’ve already picked a place to live–which will be a real stretch for me in ways–because I don’t want my daughter worrying about that issue. Because I’ve made a snap decision, she can forget that part of the chaos facing her.

        Life sure is NOT boring!

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  5. Most of what I think about daily is too prosaic and too ephemeral to be of any interest to you—what am I going to make for supper? Do I have all the ingredients? Or issues of maintenance, both personal and domestic and how and when that can be accomplished. Or musings on the political climate or on kids and grandkids. Or finances.
    I could tell you about the diversions I think about to distract myself from thinking about the things I’ve been thinking about, but those, I’ve learned, are mostly too abstruse to be of much interest to anyone but myself.

    One thing I’ve been thinking about a lot lately and that underlies all my other ruminations is my growing cognizance of limits. I’m more or less physically able right now, but at an age where all bets are off. I see it all around me. My mortality (and Robin’s of course- she’s integral in these considerations) is foreseeably limited and so are our resources. The quandary is how to find the balance. There are things we would like to do, things we may not be able to do in the future, things we may regret not having done when we could. Or would we someday regret not having conserved our resources?

    It would be so much simpler to calculate if we knew how long we were going to be physically able and how much longer we were going to be around at all.

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  6. Hi Kids–
    Staff day here at the college. Lunch break.
    I’m thinking I don’t know how to eat a taco salad… or at the very least, I don’t know a polite efficient way of eating one. Kinda like eating gyro sandwich or BBQ; with lots of napkins.
    Which also makes me think I don’t like foods that are difficult to eat. If it’s too much trouble I don’t want to bother.

    And math.
    Chapter 9 is geometry. Test on Friday. The project is ‘Tessellations’. Think M.C. Escher.
    http://www.math.cornell.edu/~mec/Winter2009/Mihai/section8.html

    I bought 75 bushels of oat seed yesterday so thinking about spring. And the grain drill I have to finish fixing before spring.

    And straw. Who needs straw??

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    1. We’d like 4 straw bales if possible, and if West St. Paul is too much out of your way, we could pick them up at Sherrilee’s. Thank you!

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  7. (WordPress won’t allow me to post what I’ve just written so I’ll try it again. If it shows up twice, I’ll try to delete one of them!)

    My thoughts lately have been preoccupied by my darling grandson moving out in the next few weeks. It was a big risk to let him live here because I knew that if it didn’t work out, our relationship could be permanently damaged.

    It’s worked out wonderfully for the last 9 months or so. Seamlessly. We both fell into an easy division of tasks. I’ve so enjoyed his company – just knowing someone was here was also a comfort. If I fell down the stairs, he’d get me help kind of a thing.

    Last week, as he drove me home from the hospital, he went on a tirade about how stressful it is to live with me. Everything from me being urgent when I have a computer problem to dramatizing everything. He was especially annoyed at my own tirades about Trump. I was stunned and hurt, mostly because he’d never really mentioned any of these things.

    It took me about three days of processing before I could find a way to accept what was happening with him, but, I got there in a way in which neither one of us was in any way at fault. Conner’s either mellow and laid back, or he’s off on a tangent with his voice raised. He’s not one to sit down and work through conflict. In my family, raising voices and being even temporarily irrational wasn’t allowed, so I remain terrified of conflict. In his family, raised and angry voices were the norm.

    What I realized is that our needs are competing. He wants to come home to quietude and solitude; I’ve wanted to download the whole day and interact with him. This is what it all boiled down to over the last few months. Even if he’d had the words to inform me, I probably don’t have it in me to change my core personality to accommodate the kid.

    He also has a perfect situation in which to transition. His older brother is returning from the east coast to join him in an intense, computer coding 3-month course. My daughter’s basement renter is moving out at the same time, so the boys will have each other as well as their own quiet space.

    I will miss him, but fully believe that this experience brought us closer than we’d ever have been without it. He tells me that, overall, he’s loved living here and that it’s just time to move on. We’ve now had the conversation – in calm voices – about what didn’t work for him in the end. We’re leaving this in a good place, with ourselves and each other.

    Now, I’ll have to start taking out the garbage, though…..

    WordPress.com / Gravatar.com credentials can be used.

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    1. is he a trump supporter?
      that would be a stretch
      you living with a guy who’s doing a heavy computer programming course? yin and yang in spades
      glad you got the experience and you found a way to do it amacapbly

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  8. OT: I heard something beautiful yesterday. My daughter and grandson were talking in the car. Liam said something that caused Molly to break into a guffaw. I could be wrong, but I think few mothers listen that well to their kids. Or they listen with “mother’s ears,” being stuck in a critical parenting mode. I could be wrong, but I think it is unusual for a kid to be so original that he says something that sends her into peals of laughter. Those two spend a great deal of time with each other, and yet they enjoy each other to a degree I find remarkable.

    I smiled all afternoon.

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    1. I wish I could remember all the things Joel said that made me laugh out loud – you’re right – not terribly often, but often enough… I did write some down. And now you’ve done that, Steve – copy it into a place where you can keep it.

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  9. My thoughts have been particularly fraught with anxiety-will our flight plans to Tacoma work out, (daughter and I are going there next week to finalize living arrangements and other business before the move in May), will i be able to take over the blog from VS April 1 and not make a mess of it, am I going to get everything done that I need to get done etc.

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      1. My main worry is that my flight from Bismarck isn’t delayed and I make my connecting flight in Minneapolis. My worries are adiophra, insignificant things that I allow to make my life one of stress and worry.

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  10. Getting exhausted just thinking about everything that needs to be accomplished in order to move mom into assisted living AND to be ready for an Italian adventure all by April 25th. Whew!

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      1. BIR – One of my sisters lives here in the Cities. My other sister lives in VA – she and her husband will come for the actual move. For the past few months we have slowly been downsizing the stuff in her apartment. Now the big push is on. We do have some relatives/friends willing to help as well.

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        1. If prior years are any indication, I should have at least a $4000.00 refund coming. That should cover the cost of the massage chair I’ve just bought. Talk about “staycations!” I’ll be ready! I know lots of people like to have control of their own money all year round, I really enjoy the once a year splurge from my voluntary tax withholdings.

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  11. My thoughts lately;

    What the h*** will Trump and his merry band of followers do next
    Oh boy, another day to make supper for other people when I would rather just have popcorn
    I NEED SOME GOOD CHOCOLATE
    Laundry – dang, I forgot to start the daily load…or I forgot to get it folded and put away
    I want to see more GREEN outside. Or snow. Or just about anything than the browns and grays that predominate right now.
    Where should I go to shoot pictures this week?
    I better start the second book club book before it is due back at the library…

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    1. Hey ljb, I’ve been on vacation and then sick and then it was our anniversary, and now I’m trying to catch up with the doings on the trail. In response to your “what could you teach” reply from last week(3/24?), I’d love to hear about your method of clearing piles of paper. Where do I start?

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        1. Gosh. Photography can be a dangerous occupation (or hobby). Is it any comfort that he died doing what he loved doing?

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