Independence Times Two

As the parent of a 23-year old, I am constantly reminding myself that it is my job to raise her to be independent and that it’s her job to grow up and forge her own path, separate from mine. Knowing this and living with the reality are two completely separate things.

We have two traditions on Fourth of July – the small neighborhood Tangletown Parade and the larger Richfield Parade. The first is walking distance from our house – kids on decorated bikes and trikes, dog with red and blue bandanas do a short parade down to the park where there is music, food and games.  Richfield has a more traditional parade with politicians, marching (& riding) bands, some military and local businesses.  And, of course, candy for kids.

I was a little disappointed when YA got up early and then started talking about going to the Mall with her boyfriend, but then I reminded myself that I could go without her and it would be OK. So I was surprised when she said she wanted to go to the neighborhood parade (and happy).  Of course, then it poured rain and neither of us went.

As I was getting ready to go to Richfield, she told me that the boyfriend still wasn’t ready and she wanted to go to the parade with me. Woo hoo!  Two stadium chairs, ice water, phones and umbrellas (which protected us from the sun and eventually the rain) and we were on our way.  It was a fine parade, with some planes flying in formation (a first) over the parade route three times and a giant grocery cart (also a first).  About 75% of the parade had gone by when the rain started and YA said she still wanted to stay until the end.  So we sat in our orange stadium chairs under our umbrellas and continued to wave our little flags at the remaining paraders.

It was nice to spend the day with her, especially after I had steeled myself to do the parades alone. I guess I have a year to steel myself for the next Fourth of July.

Have you ever had to declare YOUR independence?

17 thoughts on “Independence Times Two”

  1. Rise and Shine Baboons!

    I am in Miami, Florida (in July, if you can believe that) where we are with our oldest Granddaughter celebrating her HS graduation. Tuesday we purchased a bus tour of the city. While in the Wynwood Art District, which is a truly fascinating place, our tour bus hit an illegally parked car. It was 90 degrees and sunny. The ari conditioning in the bus was anemic. We were on and off the bus several times, seeking any scrap of shade. We decided to declare our independence, and order up an Uber car.

    3 different rides failed us, saying they were there to pick us up, but in reality none of them were anywhere to be found. And we were charged for the “cancellations” anyway. Not only did our Declaration of Independence fail, but then we were penalized for it. We will be seeking satisfaction from Uber and the tour bus company which was incredibly negligent in how they handled this. We stood/sat in the heat for over an hour with a crowd of 50 tourists. When the tour bus company finally provided a new bus, that bus driver lost her composure and let go with a toxic diatribe at a group of tourists who were hot and crabby. A guy from another country threatened to sue the USA.

    Good Grief Charlie Brown.

    Liked by 5 people

      1. i am constantly reminded these days that the world is full of folks i don’t know and that i have to be ok with their having other thoughts

        my kids are all at the stages where they are making their own decisions and not all are as i would choose if i could wave my magic wand

        it’s hard when they don’t and really nice when they do


        Liked by 1 person

      1. florida is a microunit of
        america different than minnesota for sure
        full of old folks and poor folks
        lots of folks showing up for work in jobs that are not very fulfilling
        tourist economy is a different deal

        Liked by 2 people

  2. when i declared my independence at age 16 i thought it was what was required at the moment
    today i realize it allowed me to learn from wrong decisions from an early age, it must have been hard to watch
    now i get to watch my kids make much more pre thought out decisions than i did
    sometimes there is only one way to learn

    Liked by 1 person

  3. As you know, my dependence thing is needing drivers for some medical appointments. Knowing this need, I have applied to be a driver through a very fine local charity. I think I have jumped all the hoops, including fingerprinting and had them and my photo submitted for a search of records. It all makes sense to do this, but one of those complications of modern life which is regrettable. And I am trying to be dependent of a physical therapist of different mind set.

    Liked by 1 person

  4. I started out very young to be independent, getting angry at my mother when I was two or three for dressing me. I showed her by undressing myself and then independently putting my clothes back on. “Do it myself” was my mantra.

    I was shocked when I was just graduated from high school and was in New Jersey preparing to tour Europe with a honor concert band to find myself feeling homesick. I felt better right away once I figured out what was happening inside me, but it sure made me appreciate that I wasn’t invincible.

    Liked by 3 people

  5. I was in Florida in July when I was 18. My best friend moved there right after high school and visiting him was my grad present from my parents.
    It was hot and I got second degree sunburn on my legs from a few hours at the beach because my friend was very dark complexion and he’d put lotion on. So I put lotion on. It wasn’t sun screen, which people didn’t really talk about then yet,
    And that night as I lay on the cool tile of the bathroom floor trying to find some relieve, his little brother came in the outside door to the bathroom, the one that led to the pool, and we scared each other.
    He stuttered out some excuse but I knew. And he knew I knew. and we never spoke about it again. Beyond that I don’t remember the people much. Course it was the Boca Raton region and everyone was rich and snooty.

    Independence. Yep. I do it my way too. Mom tells me my childhood mantra to other kids was “Go home then!”. Not that I was being mean, but that I wouldn’t take their threats of ‘Let me play with this or I’ll go home’. Or maybe I was being mean… I don’t remember.

    Liked by 3 people

  6. I declared my independence from Wasband in September of 1976 and went about preparing my escape. That was the last time I remember feeling the need to make a declaration.

    Since then I’ve known lots of ways of being dependent – on Husband, or my sister, etc. – but most of the time it’s a mutual thing, where I’ll depend on them for something while they depend on me for something else.

    Liked by 1 person

  7. Interdependence, not independence, is what I’m striving for, although I have to admit my more natural inclination is to “do it myself.”

    Liked by 1 person

  8. I declared my independence day the week leading up to my 60th birthday. My gift to myself was a divorce, 20 years overdue. I asked myself the question; “Is this how you want to spend the rest of your life?” The answer, a resounding NO, was grounded in the reality that, if it hadn’t gotten any better in nearly 30 years, it never would. It wasn’t that difficult to imagine ahead. For all of his faults, my own were the driving force: I didn’t like the person I’d become when I was around him. I nagged, criticized, guilted, and showed anger a lot. I really didn’t like how I reacted to the man.

    I recalled that when his parents had their 50th wedding anniversary, his sister arranged a $10,000 surprise party for them. They were so hostile towards each other that they didn’t even sit at the same table. I knew that this was a picture of us in the future.


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