Hole in My Heart

Although I think of myself as flexible and resilient most of the time, there are some changes that I just don’t like. My friends and loved ones moving away is right up there in the “I hate this” stratosphere.

Lori and Tom live 2 doors up from me. I knew right away when I moved onto the block 29 years ago that they would be good friends.  They championed me when I was divorcing wasband #2, supported me during the adoption process.  Lori is a rubber stamping buddy of mine, we share reading as a passion and I’ve been drawn into one of her favorite charities, Mission Haiti.  Tom more often than not does my snowblowing and now that they are moving to an apartment in Chicago, he is even giving me the snowblower.  YA had a ton of hand-me-downs from their 2 daughters (which really helped my finances back then) and we did a lot of activities together when the kids were all younger, including Supper with Santa, trick-or-treating and many backyard neighborhood get-togethers.  They are two of the kindest, most generous people I know.

This move to Chicago has been coming for a while. They actually rented the apartment a year ago but a health crisis kept them here until now.  Their oldest is in Cincinnati with the only grandchild, Lori’s work has offices in Chicago and Tom does programming work from home, so the Windy City seemed like a good next step for them.

But it doesn’t make me happy, even if it’s good for them. I know how to use e-mail and texting and even skype, but it isn’t the same as just running a couple of houses up.  So on Friday I have a chunk of time blocked on my calendar that says “cry on the sidewalk” as I fully intend to go home to wave them off as they depart Minneapolis.

Who would you have move closer (or back)?

14 thoughts on “Hole in My Heart”

  1. It is assumed out here that if you move here from somewhere else, you won’t stay long. We have been here for 30 years and sort of defy that trend, I guess. We have seen lots of colleagues and friends move away and I would like most of them to return. We used to have 5 psychologists where I work. Now I am the only one. All our neighbors have left or died, and new people are in their homes.

    I am an only child, and I think because of that I have always had a hard time with friends moving away.

    Liked by 4 people

  2. Most of my life it has been I who have done the leaving, starting with our move in 1960 from Storm Lake to Marshalltown, when I left behind my best friend ever. (We did stay connected through Christmas cards…) There are the leavings you know are inevitable, friends from high school and college. But I lament not being able to see Jama, who lived a few doors away in grad school; Fern who I taught with in Half Moon Bay; Janis and Chuck, who we just visited in Pt. Townsend; and on and on.

    I think the ones who live right down the block are especially hard, VS, since you get into all the little daily habits.

    Liked by 2 people

  3. Rise and Shine Baboons,

    So sorry VS, that your friends are moving. That is so hard.

    Our dear friends, Bruce and Rosie, moved back to Eveleth, MN 4 years ago after her brother died. He owned the family home which he then willed to her. They travel in a fifth wheeler from late October through late April, then live in the old family home the rest of the year. Several years ago I wrote a post about the garages in Eveleth which are more elaborate than the homes. This is true of her property as well. This property came with a 3 car garage, with heated floor, car lift and an array of tools arranged meticulously, and a two car garage full of her parents household belongings. That was the downside—they inherited two complete households of stuff, and they had their own. Uffda.

    We still see them often and they are now in Sedona, AZ, but we miss having them in town. Salt of the Earth and all that.

    Liked by 4 people

  4. The mother of Daughter’s best friend divorced and moved to Mandan with her new husband about a year ago. She was a good friend for me, too, but we had very little contact since the move. We reconnected this Christmas, and that was fun and will continue.

    Liked by 2 people

  5. So sorry, vs. Losing long-time friends and neighbors really hurts. When wasband and I left Cheyenne, our next door neighbor, and my first and best American friend, Lisa, were both sobbing. We both knew our friendship would change, and it has. Though we have remained in contact all of these years (since February 1968), and see each other occasionally, it’s just not the same.

    Liked by 2 people

    1. I’m often surprised when people either can or cannot remain in touch after a separation. A fairly casual friend in Minnesota writes me several times a year and includes me on his Christmas card list. People who were once best friends have gone totally silent after moving away. My erstwife has a lovely connection with a girl she met when both were three. My daughter struggles to keep in touch with people she adores, only now they aren’t in her life.

      Liked by 2 people

      1. Nowadays it’s a whole lot easier staying in contact with friends who move away. Back in 1968 when we left Cheyenne, calling long distance cost a small fortune that I didn’t have, and of course, this was before the internet and all the connectivity it provides, so snail mail was pretty much the only option. But even so, while you may now be able to maintain contact via Snapchat, Facetime, email, texts and whatnot, it’s still no substitute for a friendship that enjoys some person to person interaction on a regular basis. At least that has been my experience.

        Liked by 3 people

  6. my two daughters in college are both in chicago now but we see them every holiday , break , month that has an r in it and summer so it’s a nice slow break.
    first two went to eau claire and that wasn’t far enough away
    middle kid went to school went to school in st. paul and had to pay for living with buddies in an animal house variation but came home weekly for laundry and home cooking
    your friends have moved to chicago to be by their grandkid in cincinnati? they must be good at long distance contact
    with your 85 days of vacation i bet some 3 day weekends can be done for the first decade or two to soften the separation anxiety
    ask her to join the trail if she’s as good a person as you say we would welcome her to the codger club here on the trail
    remember when long distance telephone contact was a real luxury? now we can facetime and snapchat til we are tired of interaction

    Liked by 1 person

  7. how can we make this web blog I’m on known like fame & royal people.. Apricate ” crimes” others pulled on me through yrs… Just now still going backwards & publishing everything. like I got you back— So many people I write have a sound ‘ lywers anyway, so I thought you could help put this book up in the stands– before people talk again crushing Stales big magazine… Hard time writing back though


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