There was another major heist at a European Art Museum yesterday – this time in the Netherlands at the Kunsthal Museum in Rotterdam.

Thieves broke in at 3am, set off alarms and managed to get away with 7 targeted works in less than 5 minutes, which is how long it took for the police to arrive.

Some people look on art theft as a fun, cinematic type of larceny. The stuff being stolen is extremely valuable but of no real use. Rich people and insurance companies suffer the loss. And if you’re the burglar, you could be a toned and sexy genius – a talented thrill seeker too smooth to get caught.

The Wall Street Journal says art theft is a $6 billion global black market, and the U.S. is the biggest single destination for taken treasures. But if you wind up with one of the more than 1,000 pilfered Picassos, you probably won’t be able to sell it because it’s logged in at the Art Loss Register, a worldwide database of missing masterpieces.

You’ll have to install it on the back side of a revolving wall, a priceless bauble to be shown only to “special” guests at your penthouse, but only after too many drinks have been poured and just before the cigars are lit.

Unless, of course, you come into it by accident, completely unaware that the “nice” picture you paid $15 for at a garage sale is the subject of an international search-and-rescue operation. Unlikely, but it could happen, what with all the quirky heist junkies out there. After all, it’s just a game to them. Who knows where the stolen art is hiding?

What object in your home could be a stolen work of art?

Just because a machine is designed to go incredibly fast, that doesn’t mean it should never slow down at a crosswalk, hit the brakes for a hairpin turn or come to a halt for a stoplight.

This is the mental message I beam to my fellow drivers during every commute, but we must not be on the same wavelength. They never seem to pick it up.

That’s why I so enjoy these images of the space shuttle Endeavour creeping through the streets of Los Angeles over the weekend.

Yes, Endeavour, you’ve done 17,500 miles per hour on the open range, but this is a 2 mph zone with no allowance for thrill seeking, especially with so many amateur photographers milling around.

Reports say a million people came out to watch and the preparations took months. Power lines and sign posts had to be moved to allow the orbiter to pass, and hundreds of trees were taken down to provide clearance for Endeavour’s wingspan – unlikely sacrifices to America’s urge to explore space.

When have you had to carefully maneuver through a tight spot?

I found a soggy note plastered to my windshield of as I was preparing to leave work the other day. A residue of sea salt still marks the spot where I peeled it off the glass. It’s from the widely feared pirate and international man of mystery, Captain Billy – rogue skipper of the ghost ship Muskellunge.

Ahoy, Landlubber!

This here notice is to call attention t’ th’ fact that October 12 is Columbus Day in the USA, or was, at one point, before it was changed t’ be th’ second Monday in October or some such nonsense.

But now payin’ respects t’ Columbus ain’t politically correct, so not much is said about him an’ hardly nobody gets the day off ‘cept fer longshoremen an’ postal workers. What wi’ labor unions an’ th’ very idea of government under assault from various angles, it won’t be long b’fore all recognition of Columbus Day is but a memory.

Not that me an’ the boys cares all that much about Columbus!

Aye, 1492 was a golden age for them what sought fame an’ riches on the high seas! Columbus wound up with both, I reckon. But now that his misdeeds have gained some ground on his legend, an’ bein’ a professional opportunist, of sorts, I’s of a mind t’ politely suggest that perhaps th’ American people needs a new role model of th’ salty waves t’ celebrate!

I hearby offers me’self as such a figure.

So if’n any municipalities is under pressure t’ tear down their Columbus statues, may I politely suggest that a much cheaper way t’ go would be t’ weld on an eye patch an’ a peg leg t’ th’ offendin’ figure, an’ change th’ name below from “Christopher Columbus” t’ “Capt’ Billy”.

I understands th’ Columbus statue in New York City is perfectly set up right now fer such a tidy make-over, what with a cozy room havin’ been built around it.

So why not head off any current or future criticism by re-purposin’ this here statue as a generic tribute t’ the seafarin’ explorer an’ man of adventure? Since I ain’t never had my photograph taken, I reckon no one will quibble wi’ th’ quality of th’ likeness.

An if any Italian patriots has a issue with th’ idea, I invites them t’ track us down! Me an’ th’ boys is always prepared t’ welcome company, th’ more hostile, th’ better. But don’t ferget to bring yer riches!

Yer seafarin’ pal,
Capt. Billy (an’ the crew of the Muskellunge)

Personally, I would be in favor if this change if Columbus Circle could be re-christened the “Billy Go-Round”.

What is your favorite piece of pubic art?

Today’s post comes via text message from Bart the Bear, a wildlife-Minnesotan who found a smart phone in the woods.

Yo, Bart here.

So this summer I set up this alert-thing on the phone to buzz me whenever a bear shows up in the news. Being one, I just wanted to know how things are going for us. “Are you better off now than you were four years ago …” you know. That kind of thing.

But then a few weeks ago the alert starts pinging all the time. I couldn’t sleep, and it kinda worried me that bears were getting into so much trouble.

Then I figured out that it was the start of the football season and everything I was getting notified for had to do with the “Chicago Bears”. Not really too interesting to me, although whenever they show up there seems to be lots of food around. That would be nice, to be one of the bears that makes people get out large bowls of chips.

So then I figured out how to tell the phone to alert me ONLY when a story has both the words “bear” and “tranquilized” in it.

That made all the difference, and I started hearing only about bears going out of their way to get into places where people get freaked out by anything big and hairy. And we seem to do a lot of that.

Like this one. It seems a baby bear got into this house in Arizona and ate the cake and a whole bunch of sweet stuff. The only thing missing was the porridge!

But instead of getting a nice bed to sleep in, this youngster got a tranquilizer dart and a hard floor.

That old “Three Bears” story pushes the idea that baby bears are hard to please. But I’ve known baby bears and I even was a baby bear once, and I can tell you for sure that baby bears are NOT PICKY. One thing about them though – baby bears KNOW that they are cute. Cute AND scary, which means baby bears are irresistible to humans, because those are your two favorite qualities no matter what form they come in.

Just a word of advice – if you find yourself looking at a baby bear and it is not in a zoo, you have looked too long and it is time to leave the area. Even if that area is your own bedroom, because you just don’t know were mama is at. As a friendly bear, I give you this advice to head off an ugly scene. And as a former baby bear, I suggest that as you leave the house, you should prop open the refrigerator door.

That’s just hospitality, and good manners.

Your pal,
Bart

Name a food you’d break into someone’s house to eat.