One job finding strategy for the unemployed in the 21st century involves a process of looking inside to figure out what sort of person you are. This is especially useful for the fortunate ones who do not have to take the very first paying job that comes along and would like to delay putting on shoes and socks for as long as possible.
If I were Congress, I would create a bi-partisan commission to study my joblessness with the aim of issuing a 2,000 page report detailing my options sometime before Christmas. The report would probably tell me I don’t have the resources to support so much dithering, but by the time I read it, we’ll be at the holiday recess, and things don’t really ramp up again until sometime in February.
But I’m not Congress, so for me the next best thing is to spend some time sitting in a beach chair in the August sunshine, poring over a list of multiple-choice questions that will eventually tell me who I am and what kind of job might make me happy. Easy work, and there’s no harm in it as long as I stay under the daily limit for pina colada consumption.
Of course, this relaxed approach assumes there are millions of attractive, available jobs that prospective employers are anxious to fill, and the only problem is deciding which of the ripe, succulent fruit to pick! Nice fantasy! I already feel the drinks kicking in.
So, what sort of person am I, and what would I like to do?
I am the sort of person who does not like self-examination. What I would really like to do is have someone else tell me the answer this question.
One thing I learned about personality assessments is that asking a question only once is for losers. You have to ask the same question a dozen different ways to try to get around people’s strange compulsion to be consistent. As a result, the test feels like having a conversation with someone who is really not listening to you.
I am still waiting for the results, but I have already figured out all on my own that I am the sort of person who would enjoy writing Personality Assessment Tests.
Choose the answer that feels right. Don’t spend too much time thinking about it.
Are you the sort of person who …
Likes to think things through?
Goes with your first instinct.
Do you like to …
Plan things down to the minute?
Make it up as you go.
When you socialize with others do you …
Like to have it on the calendar well in advance?
Organize a party on the spur of the moment.
If you have a major project to complete at work do you …
Make a list of all the steps before you begin?
Start immediately and think later.
Palate cleanser! In each of the following pairs of random words, which is more appealing to you?
Back to the ‘don’t-think-too-much-about-these’ questions!
Are your favorite kinds of questions …
The same over and over.
When you try to answer repetitive questions do you strive to be …
How much thinking is too much?
How much did you think about that last question?
Not at all.
More, now that you bring it up.
Placenames! Pick only one! Don’t judge them on how they sound or look, only on how they make you feel!
Beaver Cleaver’s House.
The Bates Motel.
The Rock of Gibraltar.
The Rock N’ Roll Hall of Fame.
The Naval Academy.
Last round! I’ll have another one of whatever it is I’ve already had!
Would you rather have people say you are …
Afraid of change.
Afraid of routine.
When you take a trip do you …
Plan every moment in advance.
Grab a wad of cash and walk out the door.
You would like to have lunch with …
Reaching the last question on the assessment makes you feel …
Like I should re-check my answers for consistency.
Like having another pina colada.
Thanks for completing the assessment. If you’ve thoughtfully answered every question, you are the sort of person who has a lot of time and patience and does what they are told to do as a courtesy to others and possibly out of some weird compulsion to complete every task, no matter how meaningless.
If you skipped past all the above nonsense to get here, you are a free spirit and a line-budger who just wants to get it over with and move on to the next thing.
Really, that’s who you are. Unless you have some other idea?