I called all the baboons into my office (comfy chair by the windows, master bedroom) yesterday for a meeting about the tainted election.
That was a mistake. Baboons do not handle controversy well. Nor do they negotiate or compromise. There was a lot of shrieking and chasing each other around the room. Stuff was thrown. Some of it was like clumps of oil washing up on a Louisiana beach. I can’t describe the scene other than to say it was horrible and I had a lot of explaining to do when my wife got home.
Now I’m going to have to paint the upstairs hallway AND the master BR.
So I sent the baboons away and decided to resolve the issue on my own, using The Wisdom of Solomon.
We have one baboon with two names. Maybe we should cut the baboon in two and name one half “Blevins” and the other half “Rhonda”. Everyone OK with that?
I thought not. We are animal lovers to the core. Baboons are interesting but not charming. When half the baboon is missing, they are repulsive.
The other idea that occurred to me is to consider the dual emotional nature of the baboon.
The animal looks very different when he is facing you compared to when he is walking away.
Why not call the very same creature by two names – “Ronda” when you can see her eyes …
And “Blevins” when you can’t? One baboon. Two “faces”. Like a pushme-pullyou.
And blevins is a perfectly useable name to describe a monkey’s hindquarters, or a hindquarters of any sort.
I suspect we have all felt like showing our blevins on occasion, simply for the reason that no one wants to see it.
It’s a freedom of speech issue. Blah blah blah indeed.
But this is not a very happy ending, and a happy end is what I most want to give you.
After all, running a blog is like owning a bar. As long as a lot of people are present and happy, there is great potential for success. And there is one thing that is virtually guaranteed to make most people happy as long as they don’t have to feed it, clean up after it or care for it in any way.
A Baby Animal.
The little one is Rhonda, of course.
We’re all called on to settle an issue from time to time.
Of what difficult decision are you most proud?