Header image via Creative Commons under CC 2.0
Tomorrow, Donald J. Trump will take the oath of office and become the 45th president of the United States.
The official oath is very simple: I do solemnly swear (or affirm) that I will faithfully execute the Office of President of the United States, and will to the best of my Ability, preserve, protect and defend the Constitution of the United States.
This could be an awkward moment. Our next president is famous for going off-script.
Actually, that’s a lie. It suggests there’s a script to begin with.
He is known for saying whatever comes to mind. And because his brain is so unique and excellent, he has little experience in following anyone in a repeat-after-me situation. I don’t expect him to be intimidated by the chief justice of the Supreme Court. Trump will want to say it his way.
To offer a little assistance, I’ve re-fashioned the oath into what I think is a passable example of Trump-speak. And it has the added bonus of rhyming, so he could sing it if he wants.
I solemnly swear!
My swears are so solemn
they’re top of the charts
in the solemn swear column
I will execute faithfully
this lofty post.
I’m as faithful as Jesus
and a better Host.
The office of President!
I’m so well suited.
No office will ever be
more executed.
As for my ability,
you be the tester.
when we’re talking ables
nobody’s is bester.
And the Constitution!
You kidding? Forget it!
I’ll preserve and protect that
like someone who’s read it.
I promise this oath
it’s a pledge that I’ve spoken.
I’ll honor it like
all the others I’ve broken.
Wah hoo! Haters? SAD!
How are you at keeping promises?