Tag Archives: Featured

News, Poems

Party Envy

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The president’s obsession with the crowd numbers for his inauguration makes sense when you realize party turnout is a crucially important status marker for 12 year olds.

My party was bigger than Barry’s.
It was better than George’s or Jack’s.
Every guest loved the cake.
And they cheered when I spake.
That’s the truth because I make the facts.

Everything that I did was tremendous.
All my bunting and streamers were best.
All the boys I out-famed
felt a little ashamed
by my better-than-everyone’s fest.

Every party through time’s been less super
than this best-of-all parties I threw.
The invited said “yup.”
No one didn’t show up.
except whiners and losers like you.

The attention I got was amazing!
No lame gifts that you wear or you read.
Celebrated for days.
I got love, I got praise.
It was almost as much as I need.


Best party you’ve ever thrown?

The Baboon Congress, Words

Be Prepared

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Today’s post comes from tim

50 words is not a lot
its more than 40 or 30 or 20 but by the time you get done counting them they are amazingly almost gone.
you must do a good job of planning the way the message is going to present itself otherwise you may end up

how are you at planning?

Food, The Baboon Congress

Tain’t No Such Thing as a Free Lunch

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Today’s post comes from Clyde

A colleague, science teacher/coach, posted this sign: “Tain’t No Such Thing as a Free Lunch.” He taught you have to earn what you get and pay for your mistakes.

Tisn’t always true. One colleague went from free lunch to free lunch, as do others.

What have been your free lunches?

The Baboon Congress

Believe It Or Not!

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Today’s post comes from Bill in Minneapolis

Reverend Van Slyke believed the Garden of Eden was in Trempealeau, Wisconsin. Arthur Conan Doyle and Henry Thoreau believed in fairies. A family in Winona, Minnesota believed their dead daughter was a vampire.

Most of us believe things unsupported by evidence. Me, I believe I’ll have a cup of tea.

What weird things do you sort of believe?

The Baboon Congress

The Heavy Lift

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Today’s post comes from Jacque

I found this bench-sculpture across the street here in Fountain Hills.  I think it is so funny and clever.

What is a heavy lift in your life right now?  Can you make it funny?

The Baboon Congress, The Future

BVM Appears in South Minneapolis. “Watch Your Back,” She Warns.

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Today’s post comes from Bill in MPLS

In the most significant and, needless to say, dramatic manifestation since Lourdes, the Blessed Virgin Mary appeared this week in a Minneapolis neighborhood, her first stop on a nationwide tour.

“This really blows,” she announced with palpable agitation. “I hoped we were making progress, but now it’s getting ugly again.”

Have you seen her? What was her message to you?

 

News, Poems

Oaf of Office

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Header image via Creative Commons under CC 2.0

Tomorrow, Donald J. Trump will take the oath of office and become the 45th president of the United States.

The official oath is very simple: I do solemnly swear (or affirm) that I will faithfully execute the Office of President of the United States, and will to the best of my Ability, preserve, protect and defend the Constitution of the United States.

This could be an awkward moment. Our next president is famous for going off-script.

Actually, that’s a lie. It suggests there’s a script to begin with.

He is known for saying whatever comes to mind. And because his brain is so unique and excellent, he has little experience in following anyone in a repeat-after-me situation. I don’t expect him to be intimidated by the chief justice of the Supreme Court. Trump will want to say it his way.

To offer a little assistance, I’ve re-fashioned the oath into what I think is a passable example of Trump-speak. And it has the added bonus of rhyming, so he could sing it if he wants.

I solemnly swear!
My swears are so solemn
they’re top of the charts
in the solemn swear column

I will execute faithfully
this lofty post.
I’m as faithful as Jesus
and a better Host.

The office of President!
I’m so well suited.
No office will ever be
more executed.

As for my ability,
you be the tester.
when we’re talking ables
nobody’s is bester.

And the Constitution!
You kidding? Forget it!
I’ll preserve and protect that
like someone who’s read it.

I promise this oath
it’s a pledge that I’ve spoken.
I’ll honor it like
all the others I’ve broken.

Wah hoo! Haters? SAD!

How are you at keeping promises?

The Baboon Congress, Travel

À la marché

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Header photo by jatdoll via Creative Commons

Today’s guest post comes from Barbara in Robbinsdale. 

The four of us (my sister and her son, Husband and moi) were on our own for five days in Paris.

We learned a lot about food and eating the Parisian way – picked up baguettes from the boulangeries (bread bakeries), croissants and other delicacies for our petit dejuener (breakfast) from patisseries (dessert bakeries), meats from boucheries, crepes and quiches from crèperies.

On our first day, however, we were lucky enough to come upon the neighborhood marché (market), which had on display all the spring (and other) vegetables you can imagine, plus sausages, fish, cheese, and our dinner – kabobs. Why I didn’t take more photos at the marché I don’t remember, but here is one.

Photo 1

 

And here’s how some of the bounty looked back at “our” flat (air.bnb, but that’s another story).

It was delicious, especially because it represented the success I had in asking the price.

Combien, s’il vous plait? (How much, please?)

Of course, the answer was spoken so quickly I couldn’t catch it, so I did what I had seen other tourists do – laid out my palm full of coins (there are 1- and 2- euro coins) and let him take what he needed. Then said “Merci.”

What’s your favorite outdoor market?

The Baboon Congress

Aggravation!

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Today’s post comes from Verily Sherrilee

I’m not sure exactly when my family got our first game of Aggravation. It’s like Parcheesi; six players move their pieces around the board to their safe home base. Until you are home safe, if any other player lands on your space, back to the beginning you go. My father didn’t care for it much; he said that since it was a dice game, it was just a game of chance so not very challenging. For a while my sister and my mom and I played against each other – each taking two colors of marbles. After a few years my sister slowly withdrew leaving Nonny and me squared off playing three colors each.

We’ve played Aggravation for decades now – whenever we visit one another, out comes the game and the marbles. My game board had duct tape on the bottom side holding it together and for many years at her house, we had one oddly-colored yellow marble. We each have a favorite die (although I do trade off every now and then). Having gone up against each other for so many years, I can honestly say that Nonny and I play exactly the same game. Aggressive right out of the chute, addicted to the center spot and wildly competitive. Very very rarely does either of us make a move that the other can’t predict.

My dad was right – it’s just the dice. Nonny agrees with this assessment. But we keep playing anyway and while we do win about the same number of games, the pattern is weird. Two years ago when she was here, she won 8 out of 9 games but this past Thanksgiving week I won 10 out of 11. The fact that both Nonny and I remember these stats should probably be disturbing.

What board game makes you competitive?

The Baboon Congress

Encountering the Unexpected

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Today’s post comes from Renee in North Dakota

Husband dines on Mexican food prepared in back of Pakistani-owned tobacco shop on a North Dakota Indian reservation.

He tells owner “We make chapatis and lamb curry”, and shows book of Arabic poetry.

Owner translates, then recites poetry in Urdu, and challenges Husband to read the Koran.

When have you encountered the unexpected?